Relationships: Should Black Women Date and Marry Down?

BD8C11B1-5E26-46E1-80A5-3B961E1253CFSo just incase you missed it, some of our favorite black couples have split up in the past few weeks. Household names like Mary J Blige, who filed for divorce from her cheating husband and manager Kendu Isaacs, meanwhile Iyanla Vanzant quietly ended her 14 year relationship and more recently Queen of neo-soul, Jill Scott is embroiled in a public slanging match with her ex-husband of 15 months.

Before y’all start something, you are right, we don’t know the exact details but as with so many high profile relationships, money didn’t save them from having the same problems regular folks do, their celeb status only magnified them.

In some of these cases, the black woman dated down and married a man she ultimately did not respect

Let’s be clear, there is a difference between “dating down” in college where y’all are both studying and broke and working part time to make ends meet, versus “dating down” when a woman is already established in her career and a man is living off his potential.

If you take anything away today it is you as the woman have the final say on what type of mate you end up with

This post is addressing the current state of relationships and how we can approach dating and marriage successfully in the future. This is not another attempt to go in on females and point out their flaws (there is enough of that around the net) men have a responsibility to be men.

That said if you genuinely desire that your next relationship be your last one 🙋🏽stick around.

Ladies when will we learn?

Dating and marrying down rarely works unless you make an agreement to balance the power within a set time. In a perfect world women can do what men can do in relationships, but in reality it just doesn’t work that way! Being in charge sounds exciting but most times ends up causing conflict and competition. Some men deal with conflict and competition by cheating rather than communicating.

This is no longer just a theory ladies as multiple divorces in real life and in the public eye reflect this. Jill Scott’s husband said “she likes to have men around that she can control” while Mary J Blige’s husband spent half a million dollars of her money on his side chick; trifling behavior yes but whenever you see a female leading a marriage 9 times out 10 that union is destined for trouble.

There is no easy way to say this

You have to be extremely sympathetic and patient towards your spouse when the power dynamic is turned as left to our own devices women throw their power in a man’s face and men feel emasculated. If it works for you great, you are an exception to the rule.

Exceptions exist but please don’t expect that to be the case in your next relationship

In general men flourish when they express themselves through leadership, protection and provision whereas women thrive in the softer part of their womanhood. The best relationships work on a feminine and masculine principle which complement each other rather than competing.

Black women complain about being tired and stressed yet we continue to get into relationships with men who only show potential.

You either accept a man taking orders from you or embrace him calling the shots. You can’t have both.  The choice is yours.

A question to ask yourself next time you date a fine chocolate 🍫 😋 bearded brotha is: Do I respect him?

After assessing his relationship with God.

Do I respect him as a man? His background? His education? His calling? His job? His income? His family? His ideas? His strengths? His weaknesses? His heart? His behavior? His dress sense? You get the gist.

Do not take this question lightly as this determines the destiny of so many modern marriages.

If you don’t respect him leave that man alone!!!!!!

He’s not going to change.

If you don’t respect him and continue to entertain him please check if you are dating out of boredom and loneliness or perhaps you need to heal in this area and discover your feminine identity.

Ephesians 5: 22 – 33 says:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

It is no longer excusable to say you’ve never met a black man worth submitting to, if he’s not good enough to respect and you are still dating him, you are settling. And if you truly want to get married, the first thing to avoid at all costs is settling, wait and hold out for God’s best no matter how long it takes.

You might like:

5 Ways to Stop Dating Potential

5 Ways to Date While Being Celibate

3 Reasons Real Love Is Worth The Wait

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God says you won't be in the same place this time next year Single ladies 2018 is your year! 2017 zoomed by soooo fast...lesson learned. Are you are stuck in a routine? Work, gym, home, hair, nails, church, dating app and repeat... Same here. How is bae going to find you in the bevy of single, beautiful, intelligent women next year if you continue doing the same thing? Adding something new to … [Read More...]

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