Video: Do You Have a Love & Hate Relationship With Black Men?

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If your answer is yes ma’am, this post is for you

photo-95

You used to love black men but you can’t stand the sight of them anymore

Let’s have a moment of transparency this weekend and discuss 6 ways you can get over feelings of resentment towards the opposite sex today. I asked that this post remain unedited so that my raw feelings could be relayed in a colloquial way, which is how I speak.

Ladies and gentlemen, it got real

I recently, meaning like a month ago, got over a long held grudge towards men, especially black men, which caused me to take a 2 year hiatus from the relationship scene. I’ve gotta admit, I completely lost faith in them, and before you start thinking there were no grounds for my frustrations

photo-96And harp on that all men are not the same!

I’m a reasonable person and there were several events that filled me with such an intense level of animosity, that I ended up stereotyping all men.

The irony is

I was in denial about how I really felt because I couldn’t be bothered with the subsequent mudslinging that usually occurs when you say anything negative [even when it’s truthful] about black men.

If it wasn’t for my sister Vivien, who used to listen to my rants, and help me through the worst periods, well, I would probably still be wound up with hate.

A little background

I’m lucky to have grown up around two good black male role models. My Dad provided for my entire family, and is an unbelievable human being; my brother [married and faithful for 7 years, with 2 kids] is like a surrogate Dad, and we share an uncommonly close bond, so much so, he put his money where his mouth is, and invested in BCG.

My cynicism didn’t derive from making poor relationship choices either, because I’ve had two serious relationships in my life, and overall, they were great guys. I’m still loosely connected with both men on Facebook, and we check up on each other occassionally, without ill feelings, as we’ve all moved on.

BCG also supports young black men who are slain in cold blood, for no reason: click here to see that

My resentment mainly came from a professional standpoint

We’ve been operating for 2 years, and from the outset there has always been one issue or another involving a black man from my past or black men online. From hacking • stalking • copying • pornographic emails, it’s always black men behind the drama. I’m making these examples brief for times sake, but as you read this list, imagine it was 100 times worse in real life!!

You have no idea how spastic angry these antics used to make me, hence it casued me to stereotype all men [as mentioned above]. My sister used to point out, there is a lesson in all of this, BCG is the real deal, otherwise why the focus?

Unfortunately the shenanigans have been unavoidable, by virtue of my race, the subject matter [relationships] and providing content for black women [their primary market].

As a woman, you soon learn, men are fiercely competitive, but the fact they copy work which originates from a woman’s mind, only confirms that women are more than capable of producing work of a high standard. Thats why we posted: “Ladies speak your truth even if your voice shakes”, at the beginning of the year: click here if you missed that

 “The things that used to make me mad, can’t even get my attention anymore.”

 Today as a team [of men & women] we can honestly say, when men do unethical things, we just ignore it, because we have no expectations and we’ve moved in a new direction

Someone asked why men don’t hold other men accountable for bad behavior?

She’s right, only a man can tell another man what’s right and wrong; there are several reasons that rarely happens, one being:

There’s no incentive: as deep down, they feel that another man’s bad behavior is none of their business.

“Men be your brother’s keeper”

When your brother falls short, call him up on it

Black men have the ancestry of kings. They have great potential but at the moment that’s not maifesting as much as it could

 There are good black men out there [high five to them]

However I can almost guarantee that everyone reading this knows of at least one female who has been emotionally hurt or damaged by a black man or perhaps, you’ve been through drama with a black man yourself [your father, current boyf or ex, friend, co-worker]. My sister and I used to joke that if situations involving drama with men vanished – 80% of the tears in this world would disappear.

Dear Women,

I appreciate it’s difficult to get over past disappointments. Some men actually get a kick out of driving you to bitterness.

Stop trying to get them to understand how much they’ve hurt you, because they simply don’t care.

Forgive them and let go of the past, for yourself.

Don’t let them live rent free in your head and allow them to poison your future relationships going forward.

6 Ways to Get Over Feelings of Resentment Today

1. Take time out of the relationship scene altogether to heal so that you can move on with your life, as a happy and carefree individual.

2. Find someone you can confide in, who won’t judge you, and air out your grievances.

3. Part of forgiveness is forgiving yourself for the choices you’ve made instead of beating yourself up and living with regret.

4. Make better choices by upgrading your life. Start a new hobby, change careers, move state or country, but whatever you decide stay focused on making improvements and after a while you will no longer attract the low lives types of men you used to.

5. Stop settling for what you want now, and have confidence to wait for what will make you happy long term, and we guarantee, you can get better if you apply patience, and  keep focusing on becoming the best version of you.

6. Last but not least pray for the man you want. Write his qualities down and read them regularly as you’re more likely to attract the man you want when you know what you want.

To get love we must heal first

The day you can actually honor and respect a black man enough to listen to him, or view black men without immediately dismissing them, you’ll know that you’ve healed. Even if you decide never to date a black man again.

Filmed this on Friday around 4 am, now I’m not a morning person… shout out to Peter & Co for editing 🙂 Sharing the other reason I took time out from relationships: my dating experiences in summer 2012. 

Until next time. Love you guys. x

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Look at God a black couple with fruit on the tree https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKDmVzp39e0 Happily married for 10 years This couple proves when it's God's will no mistake or obstacle is too great. She is a natural hair blogger @mahoganycurls and he works in the army @jovahnthedreamer. They first met in college, when he was a junior frat boy and she was a freshman. There was an instant … [Read More...]

Comments

  1. So let me get this straight….This site is just for black people wanting to meet black people? This never seems to discuss interracial or intercultural relationships. Or are you at black city girl just into denial? Also, anything negative you write about black men can just as easily be said about any set of men, or women, for that matter. People are all people and each one ought to individually evaluated for any dating or friendship relationships.

    Being black doesn’t make anyone especially of value or not of value. Somebody in this group just wants to think so. Get over yourselves! Find people to date in every cultural, ethnic or racial group. If you drop the blinders of prejudice or racial preference you will find many more fascinating people out there than just blacks. You will find deep down that across the board, many good people from l walks of life and of all generations share the values you seek in a spouse or special friend.

    I am white and 66, married to a black Jamaican woman of 58. We come from vastly different backgrounds, yet our beliefs and drives and values are deeply shared. Besides she has saved my life more than once, and I helped her through the immigration maze and she now has her green card. We have been together since 2002.

    • With all due respect, this post actually encourages black women to overcome disappointment in order to find love [with any race] which on the whole, they have towards black men due to their experiences.

      You’re talking to a girl who has been lucky to have good black male role models and mainly dated men from good backgrounds, that’s why I said my negative experiences have mainly come from a professional standpoint. I have given an honest portrayal about my personal experiences.

      We do not hate black men, nor seek to belittle them, we love them on BCG. We’re also pro people dating whoever makes them happy. That’s evident from the posts on this blog and social media.

      We ended this post by making this specific statement:

      “To get love we must heal first

      The day you can actually honor and respect a black man enough to listen to him, or view black men without immediately dismissing them, you’ll know that you’ve healed.”

      As we released a post a few weeks ago called: Meet a Great a Guy Seun… https://blackcitygirl.com/2015/03/10/whatdomenlookforinawoman/ That women avoided in droves, something that has never happened before… in 2 years. That’s a big deal.

      That was when the depth of the resentment was highlighted. Blame a breakdown in communication between black men & women, rather than the team behind this blog.

      We have tagged Seun’s interview at the bottom of this post incase anyone changes their mind after reading this post.

      However thanks for your feedback.

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