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I feel depressed when I see my reflection in the mirror. I’m the girl that guys talk to in order to get closer to my girlfriends. I feel as if I get rejected at school and work because of the way I look. I’m invisible to men, they do not find me attractive. I used to feel pretty but lately I’ve started to age.
I’ve been through a pregnancy and I’ve put on weight. I’ve always felt ugly and I really don’t care. Sometimes I think I’m cute but that’s rare. I wear lots of make-up to cover up my flaws.
If any of these statements describe you
Don’t worry, we’ve all lost ourselves, and felt unattractive for one reason or another. On your lowest days you may get the urge to smash the mirror, or call in sick so that you can stay in bed and avoid facing people.
When your confidence is below zero from hours of distress, not even the nicest compliment can placate how you feel. When someone utters the words “You look nice” you feel like yelling at them to “Shut up” after all in your mind they’re lying anyway.
Then there are the days, when you spend hours online, looking at other women’s features, wishing you looked like them, musing that perhaps life would be easier if you looked different.
No matter how many quotes say ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’
It certainly doesn’t feel that way in real life. Thus it’s not easy feeling unattractive when it seems the majority of folks are superficial and will judge you on your appearance alone.
To top it off, women are competing more aggressively in the looks stakes
There is major pressure to look flawless at all times [especially on social media] and it’s extremely difficult not to get caught up.
Where there are unrealistic standards, we take unrealistic measures to try and keep up. And when we fail, our inner voice takes over criticisizing and repeating statements similar to the ones above, that really amount to not feeling good enough.
1. Being confident will get you more attention than being pretty
Did you know that behaving confidently makes you appear more attractive to the opposite sex?
Researchers at Webster University camped out in a bar, cataloging in painful detail every flirtatious move the patrons made. One move emerged as the absolute best way for a girl to snag a guy: a smile with a direct gaze. Amazingly, it didn’t matter what these women looked like!
Dr Craig Malkin PHD, a Harvard psychologist says. “The chicks who got the most approaches by men weren’t the prettiest—they were the hardest working. “A confident woman who sends signals will win out over a pretty, retiring one ever time,” he adds.
2. Dress for your shape
It’s hard to feel beautiful if we’re dressed sloppily. I find that on my ‘ugly days’ I tend to choose the sloppiest clothes in my closet to wear as I’m in a “why bother, I’m ugly anyways” mood. But we have got to break that vicious cycle.
Dress up to the nines on your ugly days. Wear clothes that bring out your shape in a feminine way, and couple your outfit with a pair of stylish pumps, then load up on mascara and by the time you’ve put werk into dressing up, chances are your ‘ugly day’ will be over. Stand back in the mirror and admire your handiwork, babe, you’re looking fineee oh.
3. Nothing kills confidence faster than comparing yourself to others
When we put ourselves down by comparing ourselves to others, it chips away at our own self worth, making us believe that we are not good enough or that we will never succeed.
How many times have you told yourself ‘I’m not as good as…’ or how many times have you said ‘I will never achieve…’ It’s time to stop being the ugly duckling that you think you are, and be the beautiful swan that you are meant to be.
We are all individually and uniquely made and we all have something that we are good at. Something that we can shine at.
4. A little bit of excerise is better than none
According to a recent study in the Journal of Health Psychology, people with a low sense of self-confidence gained greater confidence not by how hard they exercised, but rather by whether they exercised at all. In short, it was the act of exercising that increased self-confidence, not how well they performed in the process.
Let me share my story in this video
When I lost confidence last year, after falling out with family members and friends, for about 6 months, I felt miserable, and I was so un-bothered about my appearance, that I lost myself. Here are 3 more ways to instantly get your groove back when you lose confidence… [Length 3 mins]
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