Everything was cool, you guys were speaking daily, texting every few hours, sharing childhood memories
Laughing into the early hours of the morning
Then out of blue, he began to pull away, contacting you less, to do his own thing with no explanation?
Almost every woman has experienced the panic and uncertainty that comes along when a guy withdraws from a relationship with no prior warning. It’s a miserable experience, one that can leave us feeling powerless and perplexed.
You question why, and what may have caused this sudden shift in behavior. Maybe he doesn’t mention seeing you this weekend, or he gets off the phone a little earlier than planned. Or maybe he’s not being as affectionate as usual. You sense an acute change in the way he is towards you, and it doesn’t feel good. In fact, it’s downright scary.
As women, our first instinct is often to try and fix things, and bring ourselves closer. I totally get it, because I’ve been there. Trust me, I was the girl running through every possible scenario, racking my brain trying to figure out what I’d done wrong, not only that, I would bombard men with so many questions and accusations, at times
They would have a full blown hissy fit on the phone
Followed by more distance
Honestly, looking back, all those feelings of worry and confusion were a waste of ,time, because I can now see that the answer is surprisingly simple, and applies to most situations.
Men need space to be Men
“Remember, if a man needs to pull away and goes into his cave, like a rubber band, when he returns he will be back with a lot more love. Then he can listen. This is the best time to initiate conversation.”
Men need space and time to be themselves, and do stuff that makes them feel like men. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy your company, it’s simply that he also needs to around testosterone from time to time.
Look at it as being part of his manly DNA. When he’s around you for prolonged periods, he starts to feel as if he’s losing himself, and pulls away to regain his identity as a man.
Although this seems frustrating at first, in fact it’s this type of assertiveness and ability to do his own thing, without fully explaining himself, that makes real men extremely sexy to women unless you want a soppy, overly romantic walkover.
What do you do when he pulls away?
If he starts pulling away, and you move toward him, then he no longer feels contacting you is his choice, as he feels forced to engage with you. By stepping in and interrupting the space he’s created, you’re removing the incentive for him to get close.
The solution is to resist the temptation to ask him what’s wrong. Don’t call him or email him or drop by his place. Let him make the choice to come to you.
When he does come back, you will feel desired by him
Understandably you’re bound to feel neglected and confused so you may unwittingly come off as resentful when he returns. After all, you don’t want him to think it’s just okay for him to withdraw like that.
But there is power in your words, and the words you choose can deepen the connection you share so that he is more mindful of your feelings when he does need space in the future. The trick is to talk to him in a way that expresses your concerns without blaming him.
“If you harp on at him and pester him to talk and open up, he will see you as another source of stress in his life and will eventually pull away even more.”
Therefore show him that being with you is a fun, positive experience. When he sees that you’re in control of your emotions and that you don’t place such a high importance on his actions, he’ll be motivated to stay close and connected with you.
He’ll recognize that he’s with a woman who respects his needs while taking care of her own, by having a life outside of him. Most importantly he’ll appreciate that you didn’t blame or criticize him.
And the result of that is that he’ll see that committing to you, does not mean he needs to give up his freedom and independence which will make the bond you share even stronger.
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