Relationships: How to Deal With Men Who Pull Away Emotionally

Everything was cool, you guys were speaking daily, texting every few hours, sharing childhood memories

Laughing into the early hours of the morning

Then out of blue, he began to pull away, contacting you less, to do his own thing with no explanation?

Almost every woman has experienced the panic and uncertainty that comes along when a guy withdraws from a relationship with no prior warning. It’s a miserable experience, one that can leave us feeling powerless and perplexed.

You question why, and what may have caused this sudden shift in behavior. Maybe he doesn’t mention seeing you this weekend, or he gets off the phone a little earlier than planned. Or maybe he’s not being as affectionate as usual. You sense an acute change in the way he is towards you, and it doesn’t feel good.  In fact, it’s downright scary.

As women, our first instinct is often to try and fix things, and bring ourselves closer. I totally get it, because I’ve been there. Trust me, I was the girl running through every possible scenario, racking my brain trying to figure out what I’d done wrong, not only that, I would bombard men with so many questions and accusations, at times

They would have a full blown hissy fit on the phone

man yelling

Followed by more distance 

Honestly, looking back, all those feelings of worry and confusion were a waste of ,time, because I can now see that the answer is surprisingly simple, and applies to most situations.

Men need space to be Men

“Remember, if a man needs to pull away and goes into his cave, like a rubber band, when he returns he will be back with a lot more love. Then he can listen. This is the best time to initiate conversation.”

― John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

Men need space and time to be themselves, and do stuff that makes them feel like men. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy your company, it’s simply that he also needs to around testosterone from time to time.

Look at it as being part of his manly DNA. When he’s around you for prolonged periods, he starts to feel as if he’s losing himself, and pulls away to regain his identity as a man.

Although this seems frustrating at first, in fact it’s this type of assertiveness and ability to do his own thing, without fully explaining himself, that makes real men extremely sexy to women unless you want a soppy, overly romantic walkover.

What do you do when he pulls away?

If he starts pulling away, and you move toward him, then he no longer feels contacting you is his choice, as he feels forced to engage with you. By stepping in and interrupting the space he’s created, you’re removing the incentive for him to get close.

The solution is to resist the temptation to ask him what’s wrong.  Don’t call him or email him or drop by his place.  Let him make the choice to come to you.

click here to find out how to get a man to fall in love with you

couple 1

 When he does come back, you will feel desired by him

Understandably you’re bound to feel neglected and confused so you may unwittingly come off as resentful when he returns. After all, you don’t want him to think it’s just okay for him to withdraw like that.

But there is power in your words, and the words you choose can deepen the connection you share so that he is more mindful of your feelings when he does need space in the future.  The trick is to talk to him in a way that expresses your concerns without blaming him.

“If you harp on at him and pester him to talk and open up, he will see you as another source of stress in his life and will eventually pull away even more.”

Therefore show him that being with you is a fun, positive experience.  When he sees that you’re in control of your emotions and that you don’t place such a high importance on his actions, he’ll be motivated to stay close and connected with you.

He’ll recognize that he’s with a woman who respects his needs while taking care of her own, by having a life outside of him. Most importantly he’ll appreciate that you didn’t blame or criticize him.

And the result of that is that he’ll see that committing to you, does not mean he needs to give up his freedom and independence which will make the bond you share even stronger.

How to get a man to fall in love with you?

Motivate men to notice you, choose you, commit to you and only you: find out more here

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Comments

  1. Reblogged this on Just Between Friends and commented:
    Great Article

  2. I agree with everything within this article, but it didn’t state if it was for those who are in a committed relationship. If you’re just dating, I feel like it’s acceptable, but when in a relationship I don’t think that one should distance themselves from the relationship for days or weeks at a time, and pop back in when its emotionally convenient for them. Naturally, we all need our space, but I don’t think a man would be as accepting if a woman did the same.

    • Excellent point Nickia. Yeah it’s for those who are dating and in a relationship. Men need space moreso than women. Though granted, both parties need time to themselves and yes it would be unacceptable if one party pulled away for weeks at a time.

  3. OMG!!! I’m so glad you posted this. I’ve been dating this guy for about two months . Everything was amazing !!! I would talk to him everyday and spend at least 6hrs on the phone with him. Then one day he didn’t text or call me, I figured since we talk everyday that he needed his space which was cool cause I’m the type of woman who likes her space as well. Then it comes another day with out talking then another, etc.. I finally text him and said “why do I feel like your ignoring me?” He replies “I’m not I’m just trying to get everything in order” …. When I read that I was completely confused … I wouldn’t text him everyday but when I did text him I would always ask him if he’s ok or try to start a friendly conversation. He would always give me one worded or vague answers. I was frustrated cause in my head I’m thinking he found somebody else or maybe he’s really going through something. After not seeing him for a month and consistently asking him what’s wrong he tells me how he’s going through a lot and how he would love to be with me but he can’t cause what he’s going through and me it’s too much to handle. He told me his father died, and other personal problems… But I was like isn’t this a time where you need someone to be there for you? … He’s the type of guy where he doesn’t like to express his feelings or when a problem comes he just walks away. Even though we haven’t claimed each other as boyfriend and girlfriend , it sucks cause I told him how much I wanted to be with him and how I wanted to be there for him. Now we don’t text at all, no phone calls and to make things worse … We see each other at our job. I NEED HELP !!!!

    • I think that it always better to be sure you are in a relationship
      with a guy so you won’t waste your time …. And if when he have a problem
      He run away from it …… Ask yourself question
      Do you want someone to be with you when you are in your
      Worst moment ? If yes than look for someone like that
      The poeple who love you the most are the people that stay with you
      And got your back no matter what ( good day, bad day ) ….
      Someone who is there when he don’t have to… Someone who share , and is true
      He show you is vulnerability….

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