Insecurity vs Confidence: Why It’s Important to Fall in Love with a Confident Partner

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Insecurity  versus
Confidence

We are all insecure in one way or another. We all have areas of our lives in which we aren’t 100% confident. There is nothing wrong with that. It is an important part of the human experience.

Insecurity vs Confidence is a vast subject, so it’s worth covering over a series. If you have any specific questions, don’t hesitate to leave a comment, then we can get content on here that you want to read. We’re not clinical psychologists on this blog, so please take our observations with due diligence.

Feeling secure and confident is the foundation of all success in life and love

For a

  • Relationship or
  • Marriage

To last the full distance, we have to get our insecurities up to a level we can manage, otherwise our insecure behavior spirals out of control, as a consequence, our actions over a short period, have a negative impact on our partner, first causing distress and eventually motivating them to either leave the relationship or resent us.

Having said that, nobody is perfect

There’ll be testing times in your relationship; times when even the most confident partner, slips up and acts out of insecurity. Prepare for it.

For instance when a confident man feels insecure, he may cheat, perhaps finances are low, or he feels emasculated, so he cheats to try and recoup his manhood.

When a confident woman feels insecure, she may get jealous when her man speaks to good looking women, so she obsessively checks up on him everyday.

The difference between a confident person and an excessively insecure one

When they are caught out, a person who was fairly confident when you first met them, is likely to come to his senses far quicker, and understand that he/she has been unreasonable, therefore make an effort to repent through his words and actions. He/she will try to avoid doing the same thing again, as they quickly realize their actions were out of character and borne out of insecurity.

Whereas a person who was excessively insecure to begin with, will simply blame you and stay in denial, because insecure people hate criticism and will go to great lengths, to belittle you, become abusive [domestic abuse] and use reverse psychology to ensure that they’re not seen to be responsible for any wrong doing.

When insecurity goes unchecked it becomes excessive – rather like a sore throat turning into flu – insecurity develops symptoms which are deadly to progress and happiness.

Insecurity manifests differently in men and women

Check out a few symptoms below

Women

Low self worth

Jealousy

Envy

Comparison

Desperation

Competitiveness

Sleeping around

Over eating

Showing off 

Belittling

Perfectionism

People pleasing

Always dressing in little clothing

Hundreds of selfies on social media

Compulsive shopping above budget

Multiple cosmetic surgeries

Men

Arrogance

Controlling

Abusive

Domestic violence

Sleeping around 

Serial cheating

Bragging

Belittling

Jealousy

Envy

Indecision 

Over eating

Being a walkover

Compulsive shopping over budget

Lying about past, life, job, income

Choosing anyone as a baby mother

Abandoning family

When we look at 99% of all problems in friendships and relationships – the root cause is insecurity

Therefore if you want peace, happiness, and a relationship filled with love [even after a separation] you want to avoid falling in love with, or being around anyone who is excessively insecure

Insecurity doesn't discriminate, even Godly men can be excessively insecure
mirrorWe date who we are

The other person validates what we subconsciously believe to be true about ourselves

In order to attract and keep a confident man with character and avoid future problems, we must work on ourselves to get our own insecurities up to a manageable level [as mentioned above] so that we can live in peace and harmony with others.

I’m someone who struggled with excessive insecurity growing up being that – from grades, work, to my looks – I felt I had to be perfect to be loved [click here if you missed that] until I saw a few of the guys I used to date, marry lovely, but all-round simple girls last year.

To understand how confidence works we must first understand insecurity

Having insecurities is nothing to be ashamed of.

At the core insecurity is just a message

There are many reasons that can make men and women feel insecure but they are usually the result of one thing, which is

  • Not being sure of your abilities or
  • Not feeling good enough to solve your future problems

For example, you may be thinking that you are insufficient for your partner, and that sooner or later he will find someone better than you, then leave you for her.

Another major reason that can cause insecurity, is being raised in an environment full of uncertainty, like a single parent household, or growing up in poverty.

Insecurity is something that is not always apparent

Until a specific event or somebody else, brings it out, but when you get the message it’s important to look at the root cause, rather than fixating on the person or thing that has stirred those feelings.

When we blame something outside of ourselves we can’t fix the problem, we simply place repsonsibility on someone else. That’s all very well, but what happens when that person or thing stops being in our lives? Somebody or something else will come along to reawaken your insecurity.

All security when left unchecked leads to unhappiness, wasted time, and in the worst case scenario, depression! Temporary fixes, like food, shopping, cosmetics are great, but they won’t stop the feelings from going away.

One of the most common problems with women today, is staying attached to men who treat us badly

Feeling insecure, prevents us from taking risks, and from stretching ourselves beyond our existing comfort zone. Work on improving self confidence by acknowledging the message, then undoing the symptoms listed above and you’ll gain the desire to want more for yourself, and develop the courage to leave, if need be.

This takes time, but there’s no rush. It’s worth the effort, if only to get the love and happiness you deserve

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Comments

  1. Great one, keep it up 😘

    Soke

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  2. I’ve been saying this for years. Thanks for this your list is spot on. I just want tell any fellas out there I was a compulsive liar growing up (I’m a man) I lied to women and slept around and got one of them pregnant. After spending several thousand dollars going through the courts to win joint custody of my child I wish I had recognized these symptoms years agoI can’t tell you how much stress I’ve been through. I’m in my late 30’s now and I’m looking for a beautiful confident black woman.

    • Thanks for sharing your story Rodney. It’s so good to hear male feedback. I’m also working through my insecurities, at some point last year, in the process of doing research for Get a Great Guy, I started to see a pattern, that nearly all relationship problems and heartbreak was caused by excessive insecurity. And I looked at some of my own friendships/relationships in the past and recognized this pattern as well. That’s when I started to see that the most important thing to avoid at all costs is falling in love with someone with excessive insecurity – and that ultimately we are who we attract – so it all starts with me.

  3. I agree with most stuff but the selfies?? come on let people live nonsense.

  4. Love it. For some reason I feel like I know you so, I am always reading the latest post. Anywho I loved this one and I do get the selfies bit. I never knew that was an insecurity. Might I add a female who is overly obsessed with her body ( I’ve witnessed girls do it). I honestly think that they think it’s being confident but really it isn’t.

    Anyways thanks for the good article.

    • Pricilla… thanks so much for stopping by to read this & supporting in general, it means the world, honestly. We’re listening, trust me we’re listening to your observations… 🙂

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