Relationships: Why Getting His Respect is Crucial for Love

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The statement that ‘women need love and men need respect’ is TRUE.

In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book, For Women Only she recounts the surprising facts she learned about men after interviewing more than 1,000 of them.

In her research, the number 1 thing most men said is:

Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected

Men need to know that their partners respect them both privately and publicly. Men thrive when their partners trust them, admire them and believe in them.

Another researcher, Emerson Eggerichs, came to the same conclusion in his book Love and Respect:

In his sample of 400 males, 74% said that if they were forced to choose, they would prefer feeling alone and unloved rather than disrespected and inadequate (p.49).

In the same way, he collected data from a sample of 400 females and found that a comparable majority would rather feel disrespected and inadequate than alone and unloved.

Based on this data, Eggerichs concluded that:

Women need love just as she needs air to breathe and men need respect just as he needs air to breathe.(p.37)

Can’t argue with that. Only in this post we’re going to look at why it’s crucial a woman gets a man’s respect alongside attracting his flesh, when she is seeking a loving relationship with marriage potential.

For men there is a huge difference between attraction and respect. He can actually be attracted to a woman he doesn’t respect.

For an extreme example of this, think of a guy at a strip club. He sits in a trance in awe of the woman dancing in front of him. Should his daughter, sister, or mother come out to dance, however, he would most likely be furious. This man does not respect the woman on the platform. He is merely attracted to her.

Lack of respect is causing great pain in many relationships today

His physical attraction (Flesh)

Is the desire to look and touch a woman because what he sees is pleasing to his eyes, arousing his lust, and causing his sexual desire to be triggered. It is a selfish, one sided feeling, which makes him want to possess the woman without much care whether she wants the same in return.

His emotional attraction (Respect)

Is the feeling that he wants to kiss a woman and bring her close, to meld and share his life story with hers. He desires her to love him back and he feels a possessive romantic drive to be important to her, in an exclusive way.

Physical attraction vs Emotional attraction

Physical attraction (flesh) is far simpler, and less sustainable than emotional attraction. It is more of a one-sided attraction – at least the way men feel it. See, men can feel a sexual attraction toward a woman without necessarily feeling a need to possess her exclusively.

It’s kind of like he can feel a strong urge to have sex with a woman without much concern for what she does the next day (non-possessive physical attraction).

On the opposite side, emotional attraction is driven by the respect a man feels for a woman he would like to experience a two-way relationship with. He wants her to think highly of him and respect him. He wants her to value him above all the other men she could be with, and vitally he wants her in his future.

Emotional attraction (respect) is necessary for him to experience a true, deep sort of jealousy when her interest seems to be drifting toward another man. It is a possessive desire for togetherness.

While physical attraction can turn his head, it is emotional attraction that will bind his heart to yours in a way that causes him to desire commitment

Women, even more than men, have suffered and compromised when physical attraction directed towards them is not accompanied by respect because of the selfish, and short term nature of physical attraction without respect.

The ideal scenario is to win his respect in the beginning when his physical attraction, namely his sexual desire towards you is at it’s peak, for that is when he is most likely to fall in love.

But can a woman secure a man’s respect once his physical attraction and sexual desire has dwindled, hmmm that’s a tough one, she can, if she really loves that man and is prepared to put in hard work to try and recoup his emotional attraction.

Although realistically, there are no guarantees, because respect is given via free will, and his sexual desire for her may not be enough to incite him to stick around long enough, to learn to respect her, after getting away with disrespecting her.

Having said that, all is not lost, if you’re at your wits end wondering how to change your situation, or crying at night praying over what you can do to overturn his attitude, you’ve come to the right place, over the next few weeks we’ll show you how you can win his respect in any situation, by becoming a woman of value.

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