Get ahead | Succeed | Career | Love
Guest post by: Vivien Rose
It’s my birthday weekend! Now in my 4th decade, I want to share some valuable advice with the ladies. This year has taught me a lot about the importance of walking with:
Genuine people vs people who look good, smell good but are secretly “frenemies”
Disingenuous people harbor hurtful agendas and ulterior motives, hidden from view and they wait patiently to reveal their true nature to you at the most unexpected times. I call them relationship-terrorists. They walk with you today, smile and eat with you, yet all the while they are biding their time until they can launch their attack on your mission, vision or dream.
In the past 12 months
I have learned so much about how disingenuous people behave in friendships, family relationships and at work. I have had to separate myself from people I counted as long term friends who I found out were using my name to cover their own misdeeds, betraying my trust and that of my children without remorse.
Believe me, frenemies could be family members, friends, work colleagues or peers
I can give you names of people who were close yesterday but after their calculated betrayal, they are arch enemies today. It’s happening everywhere. I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised because the Bible does warn us:
Do not trust a neighbour, put no confidence in a friend; guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your bosom Micah 7:5
A man’s enemies are those from his own household Micah 7:6
But still the naivete in us gets caught out. Or shall I speak for myself, the naivete in me has been caught out too many times this year. The good news is, I am getting better and better at sniffing out these miscreants. So what is the answer? Should we be suspicious of everybody? Definitely not. That would only isolate us as individuals and limits the flow of human kindness, warmth and love in our relationships.
This world needs more love not less
However, if we are to navigate successfully through this journey called life, we need to be able to recognize the traits of people who are genuine versus those whom are fake.
7 traits of a genuine person:
1. What they say is usually what they mean.
2. What they do matches what they say.
3. You know where you stand with them in good times and in bad.
4. They are in no way perfect nor do they even pretend to be.
5. They don’t put on airs and graces above their station or act pretentious.
6. They know their strengths, acknowledge their weaknesses and work on their flaws.
7. They easily forgive.
In fact genuine people may be infuriating at times because they are not perfect, but the good thing is, you don’t have to look over your shoulder or stress over their next move because these people live in a zone of truth and honesty with themselves first, and this is extended to their dealings with others.
Living in denial
I have learned that a person who makes a genuine mistake can confess to it but people with agendas always deny it when confronted. Anytime someone is trying to prove they are cleaner than clean, beware, they are usually masking hidden dirt somewhere.
Meanwhile genuine people don’t pretend to be what they are not
What you see is what you get. The good, the bad and the ugly. As for genuine friendships these days, they are worth their weight in gold and so rare to find.
Treasure genuine friendships and relationships
Don’t overstress on the imperfections unless they are harmful because the dangers therein are minimal compared to dealing with backstabbers. I could go on forever but you know what? We have to start taking a good cold look at what we do and why we do it. Who do we think we’re fooling? Why pretend? Even if we convince the whole world we are something, we must remember that in time, the fruit of our lives will speak the truth.
I don’t expect everyone to think as I do or believe what I do but after growing through these past 12 months I highly respect genuinity.
No agendas. No ulterior motives. No furtive moves and No drama!
Vivien Rose is the author of: Winning The Battle Against Domestic Violence and Abuse
A self-help and recovery guide written for women seeking to combat the devastating effects of domestic violence and abuse.
Read more from Vivien Rose
Why not share this on Twitter and Facebook with your friends and family