Editor’s Note: Why I’m Single? 3 Big Mistakes I Made

Get ahead | Succeed | Career | Love

Hey ladies,

the talkTime for a frank discussion…

Whenever anyone embarks on a project, no matter how well intentioned they are, they will inevitably face criticism. Recently we have been receiving emails complaining that I’m not qualified to speak on how to Get a Great Guy since I’m single.

So here’s a little bit more about me:

I have had 2 serious relationships in my life, one was my first love, and the other was my ex-fiancé. Yes I have dated a fair bit and I’m not innocent, though I have never had casual sex, due to my personal beliefs plus I have a sister who has encouraged me to remain that way, as a result many men have moved on because of my stance.

When I start a relationship, I take it seriously and make every effort to help it to work. Knowing how I’am I can genuinely say that I will probably get married in my next serious relationship.

If you have reservations over my capabilities and would prefer to receive tips from someone else, be my guest, there are plenty of resources online, besides I never want to force my findings down anyone’s throat.

Judge a person by their fruits

The inspiration to research what motivates successful men to marry some women and not others, came about because I’m single. I feel fortunate that I’m going through a similar experience to other women as I can relate.

When it comes to relationships BLACKCITYGIRL mainly focuses on the dating phase to the proposal stage; any posts beyond that would be disingenuous as I’m not married.

Timing is never perfect and I’m single at this point, irony is had I settled down, I wouldn’t have even attempted to start a blog alongside the accompanying tasks with a full time job.

Even now I’m struggling to maintain our emails (apologies for that) as I’ve had so much work to do… if other women can multi-task to that degree, kudos to them however in my reality I cannot do everything at once, something has to give, so my love life is going to remain on the back burner.

How did Get a Great Guy start…

The entire process began when I asked myself serious questions on:

confusedWhy I’m single?

I mean I’ve dated men from all walks of life, yet none ended in being happily ever after. So I set about to find authentic answers and in the course of my journey I figured other women maybe in the same position, asking themselves why? And may want to know the juice.

That’s when Get a Great Guy was born. So far I have conducted over 2500 hours of research and mulled over some of my own relationships to see where I went wrong. Though I’ve met some complete jerks, I cannot blame men all the time, I have to take personal responsibility for my actions.

I’m going to share 3 reasons (there are more) why I believe I’m single. I really do not mean to offend anyone with the information below, we all have flaws, myself included >> big flaws.

My hope is you will see my mistakes and consider avoiding them yourself, if you’re ready to find love:

1. I had the wrong image

One fundamental difference between men and women when they first meet is:

Men look at a woman’s face value and judge her whole persona by how she portrays herself in the first meeting

Women look at a man’s potential in the first meeting and tend to judge his persona over time.

Men think in terms of what they want now. Women think in terms of what they want in the future.

These are generalizations but men think this way in most cases

Therefore when a woman is ready to get married, she must portray herself in the right way and look like a potential wife before “the one” even enters her life, because men rarely give women second chances.

Let’s look at a few examples:

  • When a woman is skimpily dressed, his face value impression is, she wants a good time.

Most men won’t be thinking “I’m sure when she puts on a suit she’ll be girlfriend material.” Men are too primal to imagine any further than what lies under her dress in the first meeting.

  • When a woman is obese, his face value impression is, she does not take care of herself as well as she could.

Most men won’t not be thinking, “I can see that when she loses weight she’ll be stunning”. Men are too impatient to wait, he will have already ascertained that she is not his type in the first meeting.

  • When a woman is overly glamorous, his face value impression is that she is high maintenance.

Most men won’t be thinking “If she toned it down she’d be the type of girl I’d fall in love with.” Men get too excited, instead he will be wondering what to say next to catch her interest in the first meeting.

How do I know this? Experience and research

The only way his first impression can be overturned is when he gets to spend enough time with you on a platonic level, to see past your appearance (through college, workplace, church, family, friends, neighbors). Other than that, men take women on face value. How he meets you, or his first impression of you is how he expects you will behave in a relationship.

With that said:

My image was of a good time, high maintenance girl to professional men.

I’m educated, I’m career driven and I didn’t mean to come across that way, but successful men want a classy woman – at least that’s what they say in their dating profiles.

So despite my best efforts, when men used to meet me in a social setting, they nearly always lumped me in the “casual” category, because of my overall image.

2. I was too selfish

I had a knack for getting my own way, or should I say persuading my own way in relationships. I would get my own way so much that I can now see my behavior blocked men from taking the lead as it was too much headache.

Both of my serious relationships broke down, in part, due to my selfish ways. My motto was always: there are plenty of fish in the sea, until I began to see a few men in my peer group marrying last year, and I realized there weren’t as many “fish in the sea” as I once thought.

Don’t get me wrong I still meet Great Guys in passing, but the older I get the more l meet men with a serious amount of baggage, which is a real turn off.

3. I made bad choices

I’ve been lucky to date some fantastic guys, but I have also attracted more than my fair share with massive, and at times unbearable egos. Some of them had everything but lacked character.

Indeed some have now settled down, yet I do not envy their partners as these men are bound to cheat.

Unfortunately the more education, power or money a man has, the bigger his ego tends to be. That’s why:

Above all else getting a man with character is my main priority

Like most women I would love to eventually meet a man who can be a friend, companion, and someone I’m spiritually, physically and mentally attracted to.

Who is ‘Get a Great Guy’ for…

Get a Great Guy is for women who are ready to commit to one man.

The women who are done vying for attention from loads of guys and want to know the quickest way to capture the attention and love from one man.

Unfortunately we can’t have both

We can either have attention and lust from lots of men, or attention and love from one, as men are naturally possessive towards women they love. The choice is yours.

With that said, enjoy your weekend!

© 2015 by Yvonne Jane Lorraine.

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  1. Diamond Black says:

    This blog makes me truly observe how I am as a single woman and Christian, because of this I am going to do a deep evaluation of myself. Thanks.

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