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From adverts all the way through to products every day we reject stuff without a second thought
But what happens when YOU are the one being rejected?
Rejection comes as one of the most brutal acts because it deals a direct blow to the ego. I’ve been on both sides and even I’m unsure which is the most awkward. There are many reasons why we rule each other out, some of them silly, but when we check out, the victim’s ego suffers most.
Ego (n) the “I” or self of any person; self esteem, image or self image; feelings.
When the ego is bruised a fundamental part of our inner core ends up feeling vulnerable and exposed. To protect ourselves from feelings of embarrassment we blame ourselves and criticize those who instigated the rejection with statements like:
“Why did I do that?” “What does he/she know anyway?” “They are so stuck up.”
Being rebuffed by a friend or love interest is probably the worst humiliation of all, where we can end up feeling bitter and resentful, towards the perpetrator and towards ourselves for allowing them to dismiss us.
Weirdly, we tend to feel a stronger desire towards the rejector than ever before. It’s like the more we are rejected, the more we “want” to know about the person rejecting us. Huh? Yes. That’s what happens.
At times rejection causes people to stay in unhealthy situations as they become preoccupied with trying to prove they are worthy or better than their rejector. Ever noticed?
The less you care about a person the more they care about you.
The more you care about a person the less they seemingly care about you.
It is nothing short of ironic, and sadly, anyone who’s been in love can confirm. Understanding how to deal with rejection begins with acknowledging our value as human beings; we must first realize that the only place that friend or love interest is significant is in our minds.
Once they have departed from our lives there is no need to make contact with them – unless we want to risk stalling our lives to watch theirs – over the span of a year that’s an incredible amount of time wasted. We can’t have that…so next time you feel overwhelmed by rejection please consider this:
1. Rejection isn’t personal
Okay it is personal. Here’s what friends and love interests probably think but don’t say: “I find her character/physical traits unattractive.” There I said it. How bad was that? Rejection is personal yet it isn’t personal because we can’t make everyone happy. Try not to get too consumed with the reasoning as there are plenty of other people who will embrace you just the way you are.
2. Rejection reveals more about the person than it does about you
Sometimes people mirror their own insecurities onto you. Past experiences, like being abandoned by their parents may turn them into commitment-phobes; in other words people who can easily reject you because they are scared you’ll reject them first, as too much intimacy reminds them of what happened to them at a young age.
3. Rejection could be the best thing to happen to you
When you think back in your own life, how many times have you been gutted over a rejection only to find yourself in a better position a year later, thanking God that He actually put you through the trial. Be patient the higher purpose will reveal itself in time.
4. They’re obviously blind
Why be around someone that cannot comprehend the full spectrum of your personality anyway? In times of rejection remind yourself about your positive traits and all of the subtle details the other person missed.
5. Rejection allows you to grow
Maybe just maybe there are certain things you need to change. Rejection offers an opportunity for us to analyze any areas that need improving so that we can grow out of behavior that might be holding us back.
Looking at rejection constructively is perhaps the best way to get over the initial blow to the ego, though painful we still have the choice to become better human beings and go on to meet better people as a consequence.
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