With so few men actually present in homes the state of fatherhood is almost bankrupt.
“We’re managing just fine without fathers, it’s no big deal…”
Yet the statistics suggest otherwise. A quick Google search shows only 16% of black fathers were present in the home in 2011 while over 50% of households were led by a single black mother. During the same year 85% of black babies were also born to a single mother. Goodness knows what the statistics are today.
First a caveat, the data below isn’t singling black fathers out as a recent survey suggests they are more involved with their children than any other racial group – outside the home. And the intention isn’t to disparage single mothers and their tremendous effort.
The aim is to figure out why fathers are so necessary?
One of the most important influences a father can have on his child is the quality of relationship he has with the mother of his children.
A father who provides financially and has a good relationship with the mother is more likely to be involved and spend time with his children which means as a unit the family will be psychologically and emotionally healthier.
The parent’s relationship is a model for their children
A mother who feels affirmed by her children’s father and who enjoys the benefits of a happy relationship is more likely to be a better mother.
Indeed the overall quality of the relationship enhances both parents, as they are more responsive, affectionate, and assertive with their kids. On top of that most parents find it easier to deal with defiant toddlers and find more time to act as a confidants for their teenagers.
How fatherhood affect boys?
Fathers who commit and treat the mother of their children with respect and deal with conflict within the relationship in an adult and appropriate manner are more likely to produce boys who understand how to treat women with care.
How fatherhood affects girls?
In tandem girls with loving fathers learn how they should expect men to treat them and are less likely to become involved in violent or unhealthy relationships.
In sum, children who have a doting father from birth are more likely to be emotionally secure, confident and as they grow older, have better social connections with peers. These children are also less likely to get in trouble at home, school, or in the neighborhood.
Fathers often push for achievement and purpose while mothers stress caring and nurturing, both of which are important to healthy development. As a result, children who grow up with involved strong father figures tend to be more ambitious, exhibit more self-control and have better social skills.
Fatherhood is crucial
To dismiss the role of a father is misguided and does cause lasting damage in a way that’s very hard to predict until it happens as we shall reveal below:
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
85% of children that exhibit behavioral issues in school come from fatherless homes
80% of rapists come from fatherless homes
71% of high school drop outs come from fatherless homes
75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centres come from fatherless homes
85% of all youth sitting in prison grew up in fatherless homes
*Figures gleaned from African-American relationship counsellors Ayize and Aiyana Maat watch their video below
10 ways a real dad should love his daughter
- Love his baby’s mother
- Validate her identity
- Don’t abuse her trust
- Celebrate her mind
- Take an interest in her life and support her financially
- Tell her she’s beautiful
- Show her how you negotiate differences with women
- Give women the same respect you would like her to be treated with
- Show her the way you want her future partner to love her
- Be the kind of man you want your daughter to marry
10 things a real dad should teach his son
- How to be a man of God
- How to be a servant, leader, both inside and outside the home
- How to love and respect women
- How to have self discipline and control
- How to be a lifelong learner
- How to find and pursue his purpose
- How to have courage
- How to have manners
- How to wrestle and play fair
- How to be picky (distinguish between a lady and a whore)
One small thought comes to mind when looking over these statistics; most of this could be avoided if women demanded marriage as a prerequisite to having children and men married the women they are having children with.
Marriage doesn’t necessarily prevent separation but making a commitment in front of witnesses is tangible and speaks to a person’s conscience in times of conflict:
- Marriage provides security for children as the family live under one roof
- Marriage encourages spouses to think twice before walking out
- Marriage has financial benefits (two incomes instead of one)
- Marriage ensures that spouses like and respect each other before procreating
If you like and respect your partner from the outset you will be more inclined to return to that state of mind in the event of a divorce (at least for the sake of the children).
See the official statistics for yourself
Never underestimate the importance of fatherhood: by relationship counsellors Ayize and Aiyana Maat
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