Relationships: 7 Reasons You Should Date and Not Dump the College Geek

Get ahead | Succeed | Career | Love
nerd

One of my dearest friends was the college geek

His name was Andrew 

And just incase he reads this post for himself I have no problem admitting that…

 I’m writing this with a tinge of sadness as I still have mad love for him but I just didn’t fancy him at the time

Now I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings

So I’m going to tread carefully. News travels fast and I’m Facebook friends with a few in his circle and have girlfriends who know exactly who he is!

I hereby solemnly swear to tell nothing but the truth

I first spotted Andrew one chilly morning on campus while rushing to class. I had already heard through the grapevine that he was a bona fide geek; the word around campus was that he was strange. While the other black guys were famed for their bravado and sexual prowess he was quiet and unassuming.

Even I thought he was a little weird

I mean Andrew wasn’t your stereotypical geek (intense goofy or ugly) he was well built with a striking dark complexion, friendly eyes and a handsome smile, though I must stress he wasn’t the coolest guy either. I suspect ‘having swag’ was the furthest thing from his mind anyway, as he had come from a sheltered home. I also got the impression he was far more concerned with remaining focused than chasing skirt.

After bumping into each other at several college events that he had organized, we struck up our first conversation and right off the bat his sharp sense of humor caught my attention. Yes I gave him my number that day, as he said wanted to invite me to another event. Honestly. 🙂

Our friendship blossomed quickly for no spectacular reason aside from the fact we just clicked. Our conversations were effortless; from current events all the way through to sport there was no topic left unturned. Where I was weak in areas such as the economy he encouraged me to read. He would listen to my adolescent opinions and offer advice without making me feel small.

Since he had dreams of becoming a sport agent he inspired me to take an active interest in team sport click here if you missed that. Looking back he’s been a huge influence in my life. Perhaps I should take this opportunity to thank him.

This is the same guy who taught me about stretch marks

During college breaks he would drop by my family’s house and invite me out with his male friends, then drop me off outside my front door at the end of the night. I remember one occasion when we arranged to meet for dinner and he actually came to my hairdresser slightly earlier than planned and watched me getting my weave done. Whenever I needed help he was there. My family loved him too.

As I’m composing this I can’t help thinking this story sounds like a bad  ‘Romeo and Juliet’ adaptation – rose tinted and old fashioned – yet it kinda was. Except I took Andrew for granted because I always thought he’d be in my life.

Our friendship was genuine

Well almost. My feelings were definitely above board and I thought the same applied to him since he pursued a few girls on campus soon after we first met. Of course he would make the odd remark about dating but it was easy to brush off, he was the college geek for goodness sake! Amazing to have as a friend but hardly suitable to fall in love with.

Besides I had an image to uphold

After graduating he left to study for his Masters in Accountancy. Meanwhile his college friends were steadily entering the corporate world leaving Andrew behind. Credit where it’s due, he took this all in his stride and kept his head down and studied. Then…

All of a sudden, like overnight!

Andrew began working for one of the world’s top Accountancy firms and shortly thereafter took up a transfer in Bermuda

He never made his intentions more clear than the night before his departure, when he gave me a beautiful pair of diamond earrings on my birthday, and asked me to wait for him, as in save myself for him sexually.

Do you know I laughed in his face

I thought he was crazy for thinking that I could ever see him as anything more than a geek. I guess I just couldn’t shake off my perception of him and in my mind, I had options.

While he worked in Bermuda, Andrew and I kept in touch via email and Skype and caught up in New York. Rather than being warm and happy to see me, his behavior was distant and callous in spite of my best efforts to be nice.

Given what I have written here, you may say, “Well Yvonne what did you expect since you spurned him?” My only answer to that is, his emails were amicable and lead me to believe everything was hunky-dory. I’m still unsure why he made a sudden U-turn when we met up. All I can say with certainty is that it was terrible watching our friendship disintegrate. The irony is…

What I experienced with Andrew is how love is meant to feel

Now considering the perverts lustful men I have encountered this year, let me tell you, if Andrew came into my life today and treated me with the same care as he did above, I can’t say I wouldn’t date him. I can’t even say I wouldn’t fall in love with him.

He’s a man who respected women, was honest and generous, showed leadership qualities, developed a friendship first and didn’t focus on sex

Isn’t that what most women want?

And I had it, toyed with it and lost it. How sad.

Before anyone gets excited I do not want Andrew back.

I’m writing this as a cautionary tale for women who are dismissing the college geek right now

You maybe making a huge mistake:

  • Geeks have a lot of real love to give
  • Geeks will help you grow as a person
  • Geeks graduate and make a fortune honey (lets call a spade a spade)
  • Geeks will offer you way more security in the future than smooth talking playas
  • Geeks become more refined over time
  • Geeks become better looking with age
  • Given the dearth of real men out there, geeks deserve a second chance

Do you agree? Would love to hear your opinion

Finding Love Online

Is our first download on rebranding your profile online, in order to motivate men to notice you, date you, commit to you, and only you

*Names have been changed to protect privacy

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Relationships: Should Black Women Date and Marry Down?

So just incase you missed it, some of our favorite black couples have split up in the past few weeks. Household names like Mary J Blige, who filed for divorce from her cheating husband and manager Kendu Isaacs, meanwhile Iyanla Vanzant quietly ended her 14 year relationship and more recently Queen of neo-soul, Jill Scott is embroiled in a public slanging match with her ex-husband of 15 … [Read More...]

Comments

  1. subuola akinkugbe says:

    Hey,

    It was a really good read.

    Please can we get an Andrew update?

    Have you talked to him since to ask him why he was quiet?

    Where is Andrew now? Lol

    Sent from my iPhone

    • Thanks for your feedback Subola! The Andrew chronicles: We stopped speaking altogether. He didn’t bother to contact me properly when my Dad fell ill a year ago, I think he texted. So I emailed him to draw a line under the whole affair. He was A-okay with it. I think he maybe happily married now.

  2. ONI SARAH says:

    Thank you Yvonne that was a good article. All you have said is true we ladies despise little beginnings. Pls more of your articles. Cheers

  3. Am I allowed to say I know who you’re talking about 🙂

  4. Can totally relate to the story so after 5 years of being chased by a geek I finally accepted and it aint that bad n truth is college geeks are successful.

    • Trisha! Thanks for your reading this and your continued support. There was a wonderful story from a lady on IG who said her husband was a geek and pursued her for 7 years. When she gave in and began dating him, they married within 8 months. So do you girl.

  5. The truth is Andrew did not love you much because he was seeing other girls.

    • Thanks for your comment Macu! We need Andrew to comment. Only he can say with 100% accuracy whether he loved me or not. Perhaps he loved me as a friend that is quite possible. I prefer to let bygones be bygones. The emphasis of this post regards complacency, missed opportunity and geeks. We all experience love in various forms, unless we recognize what we have when we have it we will lose out.

  6. I can totally relate to this article. I have my own “Andrew” who was the geek that got away. I regret not appreciating him when he was there but I’m happy that he’s found an amazing woman who does appreciate him and they’re happily married now.

  7. Omg! Reading this ( and your other posts) feels like reading one of those urban novels i used to read in middle school… When you ended the post I was screaming on in my head ” NOOO NOOO I WANT MORE WAIT NO THAT’s IT” lol… Did i mention how much I love this blog

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