A-Z Dating Manual: 10 Reasons Why He Hasn’t Made it Official

Get ahead| Succeed | Career | Love
 Men marry women who know how to carry themselves

Ever wondered how you found yourself stuck in a relationship with a Great Guy who has no plans to make things official?

When the slightest enquiry is met with vague answers like, “I’m not the marrying type. or indifference when you set a date to talk about the future – you know something is amiss. If your boyfriend has been with you for several years and still hasn’t proposed he undoubtedly see’s you as a long term prospect, perhaps even a potential wife some day.

The problem is there are still traits about you that cause alarm bells to be raised. And those alarm bells are making him pause

To a serious man marriage is a different ball game altogether which essentially means forsaking other women for you. Therefore he feels entitled to cross check even the most minor details about your life because to him he’s not just any guy he is eligible and has choice. Even though he loves you (since you have history as a couple) he won’t put up with nonsense forever.

Your looks sex appeal and style won his attention but will you pass the ultimate test?

1. Your mother

He will analyze what type of woman your mother is:

  • Can she maintain a household?
  • Can she cook?
  • Is she in a happy relationship?
  • Is she shallow or materialistic?
  • Is she always in your business?
  • Is she well groomed?
  • Does she have a faith?

After all the apple never falls far from the tree.

2. Your family

He will assess your entire family to see whether they have breeding (manners, class, education) plus he will want to confirm the rapport between you and your siblings is genuine not fueled by jealousy and one-upmanship.

As your folks will be his in-laws and vice versa, you can’t blame him for hesitating at the thought of constant drama if they can’t stand each other. He will feel less than eager at the prospect of being surrounded by bitter, man-bashing women who poison your mind against him or distant and cold men who refuse to recognize his status as your spouse.

3. Your father

He will look to see whether you have a relationship with your Dad. If not he will attempt to figure out what ways this may have affected you. All being well, he will watch how you interact with your father as an indication of what to expect in marriage.

4. Your spending habits

He will be just as fascinated about your income as you are about his

His first question will be: Is she high maintenance? While there is nothing wrong with spoiling yourself, he will be watching how you maintain your money over the course of a month. Being financially savvy himself, he is bound to look at:

  • How you prioritize your spending?
  • How your living conditions compare to the amount you spend on fashion?
  • Do you save?
  • How much you spend on necessities vs luxuries?
  • How you spend HIS money?

How you spend your money will determine how seriously he takes you

Your debts: that’s right some of us are deeply in debt meaning that a guy who marries you automatically incurs those debts plus his own. A growing number of professional men view marriage as a liability anyway, therefore being reckless with money will only add to his scepticism.

5. Your male friends

He’s going to have a fixed eye on your so-called male friends. You can try and convince him that your exes are ‘just friends’ but all he needs is a slight suspicion that you used to be sexually intimate with them and he will doubt you.

6. Your girlfriends

When you hang around with low lives, the perception you give off is that you’re a low life. When you hang around shallow people with no ambition, the going consensus is you are one too.

You can either hang with chickens and cluck. Or you can hang with eagles and fly.

Who you enjoy hanging around with tells a story about your mindset because birds of a feather flock together.

7. Your obsession with looks

When every conversation revolves around what you’re wearing, your hair, nails and make-up, it gets tiring! There’s no bigger turn off for a man than a woman whom he initially thought was stunning, to go on and on about her looks, other people’s looks or his opinion on a famous woman’s looks. Your obsession over what you look like in comparison to other women will raise questions because it shows insecurity.

If you don’t rein it in he may leave you for someone who doesn’t look as good as you, yet is more comfortable in their own skin. And that includes reality TV shows, keep the superficial talk to a minimum, tell him about your life experiences; if he is more cultured than you, please open your mind to his ideas and suggestions.

8. How you act once you get comfortable

Your true colors will soon shine through when he gets to know you. I have been told I’m selfish in relationships (which was true because I hated sharing stuff). Do you think I started off like this? No I pretended that I was the most giving person on the planet but it didn’t take long for the guy to see the other side of me. Same goes for you, work on ironing out some of the major flaws in your personality that may prevent you from building a harmonious union.

9. How you dress

Dressing too provocatively will cause tension particularly if you keep attracting attention from random guys. Men hate feeling jealous. As much as they are proud of your body there are limits.

10. You are not domesticated

If you can’t cook, clean, maintain a household, improve your game or suspend any future plans (especially if he’s a mummy’s boy) as running a home is still one of the top priorities for most men when it comes to marriage.

Do you agree?

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  1. I love the advice I want myself a good black man Blackcitygirl.

    • Thanks for reading this Brit. Gotta spice things up, lol. Dating is an equal opportunities playing field for men and women these days. Each article has different images.


  2. I’m not even gonna lie now my spending habits 😦 the thing is, is that I love fashion and it has gotten me in so much credit card debt. I love beautiful things but my ex boyfriend dumped me because I couldn’t budget. I just want to warn girls that men do watch.

    • It’s not like we haven’t all been there Lily. Oh boy! Being high maintenance isn’t a crime in itself. It’s being high maintenance without the income nor living standards to back it up. That will raise concerns in a great guy’s mind.

  3. Candice says:

    Great article and points BCG (Black City Girl) I have this same concern every time it gets closer to that point where i wish to know where the relationship is going. I hesitate to ask “What are we doing?” or “Are we about to take the next step?” because no one wants to hear rejection.

    However the words I keep in mind with every man I might happen to fall for are..”If a man really wants to be with you he will make it happen.” Men go for what they truly want in my opinion.

  4. Love the article you covered some major things to look at. These are also things as women we personally need to be mindful of. I usually have similar conversations about this topic with the person I’m involved with to get a feel of where they are at and to share my views. Enjoys the posts as always BCG!!!

  5. I agree I think two things that are missing is maturity and mentality. But what you have mentioned is pretty much on point

  6. Samuela Bello says:

    very educative. thanks girl

  7. Thank you for great posts and your very welcome! I support positive, enlightened black women and enjoy conversations with them and you are indeed one!

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