Anatomy of a Hater: 4 Signs You Are in a Selfish and Toxic Friendship

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What is NPD?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder involves arrogant behavior, a lack of empathy for other people and a need for constant admiration in relationships. People with NPD are frequently described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative and demanding.

We all have a teensy bit of narcissism in our personality as a healthy human being is a confident human being. Likewise a high self esteem imbues feelings of self worth and will show in our body language, voice and actions.

Let’s talk about girlfriends who drain the life out of you!

The ones who behave like vampires sucking your emotional energy until you have nothing left to give. I can already see that you’re in 2 minds about a particular friendship: on one hand the girl in question is a cool person with redeeming qualities, yet on the other her continual need for reassurance and ego massaging is driving you nuts. You may find yourself repeating:

‘Hon you look amazing.’ ‘No you’re not fat.’ ‘I love your makeup and hair.’ ‘Yes you look hot.’

And that’s what friends are for, then again you might find that your praise is never enough

She may demand more-and-more and when you don’t have anymore to give, you may sense tension or she may start to ignore you? Believe me I know what you’re going through because I’ve been there!

One of the toughest decisions I’ve had to make is cutting negative people out of my life. Some of them were women I considered to be real good friends at some point – people I would confide in. But their behavior was too high maintenance. So removing them from my life was necessary for my wellbeing.

When someone demands your piece of mind as payment for your friendship it’s time to cut them off

Otherwise they’ll simply pull you into their negative cycle. Before you realize it, you’ll end up poisoned by their negativity and become just as damaged in your outlook on life as them. Such people are detrimental to your progress. To elevate your life please gain the courage to drop the dead weight.

How to identify a female narcissist?

One of the hallmarks of a female narcissist is she regularly competes and compares herself to you

The saddest thing is, even when she does pay you a compliment, she will still have one eye on how she compares to you. A woman with NPD tendencies can earn a fantastic salary, be beautiful, smart and seemingly possess the whole package, yet she will somehow pinpoint something – no matter how minor – about you to envy. It’s almost as if she can’t accept that there are a few areas you’ll excel in beyond her.

So instead of celebrating her own qualities, she will zone in on yours. This is why a narcissistic girlfriend cannot give you 100% in your friendship because in doing so she will feel less than you and her existence depends on her feeling better than you. The closer you become as a friend, the more she will find you a threat and compete with you plus treat you as if you are inferior.

There are 7 types of people narcissists are drawn to:

  1. People with no boundaries
  2. People who are hungry for love, attention, affection
  3. People who are too nice, too compassionate, too kind
  4. People who are naive and trusting
  5. People who are lonely and desperate for companionship
  6. People who are self sacrificing and do good deeds for others
  7. People who are idealists and fantasize about the potential of a person without considering reality

They find it hard to maintain friendships long term

Dr Sam Vankin, one of the world’s leading experts on narcissism and author of Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited says, “Female narcissists are very similar to their male counterparts they just use different bait to attract their prey.”


Male and female narcissists have the same traits apart from

1. A female narc needs to be the centre of attention

She has an uncanny knack of presenting herself extremely well to her target audience.

  • She may dress provocatively, flaunting sexually suggestive body parts.
  • She focuses attention on makeup and hair, even for the most mundane tasks or events.
  • She is overly confident about her looks as narcissists believe they are much better looking than other women.
  • She places high value on brand names, she frequently purchases new clothing, and does not distinguish between wants and needs.

2. A female narc is devious

She is outgoing and brilliant at promoting herself. She is calculated when it comes to hooking men. She loves to display her wealth by posting endless pictures of her holidays, designer purchases, boyfriends on social media to make you jealous of course!

You won’t find a single bad picture of her on her account and woe betide you look better than her in a photo! She will go to the ends of the the earth to destroy it, crop it, delete it to get rid of the memory. Then plaster your worst pics all over her page LOL.

 3. A female narc is envious

Though she presents herself as supremely confident she will seek opportunities to undermine you, and is likely to spread your business to mutual friends. She is convinced she is intellectually and physically superior and that others are envious and jealous of her, and often uses this excuse for her lack of real, intimate friendships. When you enjoy successes of your own, she will find ways to punish you by downplaying your achievements.

 4. A female narc’s moods are unpredictable

You will have trouble figuring out what she wants and where you stand. She will be dishonest and often lies to get what she wants though she will never admit this. While she is capable of short-term regret, and an apology if backed into a corner, she will quickly rationalize her behavior and return to her narcissistic patterns before long.

 A real life rant from a female narcissist:

“Sometimes I’ve thought to myself maybe I should tone it down…not be so sexy, not be loud, not be as confident. Life would be easier. If I wasn’t so strong maybe people would realize that I hurt too. If I wasn’t so confident maybe people would realize I have insecurities. If I wasn’t so sexy maybe people would realize I’m smart. If I wasn’t loud maybe people would realize I spend most of my days in solitude.

Yes things would be easier, I’d be less intimidating. I would make people feel comfortable. Then I thought why shrink to make others feels bigger. Why is it so impossible to be beautiful and have a brain. Why can’t I be comfortable with my body without being a slut. Why can’t I be confident without being self absorbed. When did life become black and white. We are all the same, we just want to be happy.”

Do you have a friend like this?

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  1. Vivien Rose says:

    Yvonne, you have dissected this NDP girlfriend to the letter! The bit that resonated with me was how they mess up your peace! Too much drama. Stupid, selfish, constant drama… Aaaaaaah! God deliver us from their NDP clutches. LOOOL. Xx

  2. These ladies must have a serious issue inside.
    I also feel like they’re everywhere, I’m young and I’ve met so many of them!

  3. Manigazer…Tell me about it…before anything else one must figure out why they are attracting narcissists. Only then can they heal and invite different types of people into their life.

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