Relationships: The Strengths and Challenges of Being a Single Mom

miya

I’ve been divorced for seven years exactly. Guest Post: Miya Brown. 

I don’t consider myself a “single” parent. Yes, I do raise my two daughters in a household that involves only one adult. But it takes a village to raise kids.

Even if the mother doesn’t have her own parents around to help, a village could be close friends, church members, extended family. Of course I’ve had moments where I’ve broken down spiritually and mentally.

Yet the challenges of a single mother only define her true strengths

I believe every parent wants the best for their kids, and my responsibility as a mom is to commit to providing, teaching and equipping my children to the best of my ability. Financially speaking, I’m saving for my kid’s future education, and budgeting because kids in general are really expensive!

Priorities

My biggest fear is raising my daughters in an environment with no discipline. My whole focus is grasping the fact we live in a world that is so free – with no rules, and no restrictions – which means in most environments, kids can do whatever they want!

Respect is not adhered to in the way it was when I was growing up. Back then respect was the only option. I’m not saying all children are disrespectful, but I do believe that society has lapsed on discipline – don’t you think?

Another challenge is dating

Don’t get me started! Even if I had no kids, I still wouldn’t be ecstatic about the current dating scene. At times, I can’t help but conclude that dating is nothing but wishful thinking.

Indeed, we must be pro-active to find a significant other, although the way people approach dating these days is confusing. I mean taking your time is old fashioned, while dating more than one person seems to be the way forward?!

All the thirstiness means I sincerely have no energy for dating!

Especially since I’m raising two daughters, I’m very particular about who I let into their life; every mother should be. I love the definition of LOVE, and I like idea of commitment because I enjoy the stability and companionship – who doesn’t. But isn’t it telling that the last serious relationship I had was back in 2012! He still is still a part of my life, even though we’re just good friends…

So I find myself asking…what if?

However as a mother, I have to let go of the “what ifs”, because at the end of the day, without commitment I am very single. I am open to meeting someone I need practically, not just someone I desire.

He has to love kids because my daughters are verbal with their feelings. We must be mentally and spiritually connected, and I will not negotiate with financial responsibility.

My daughters are twelve and nine

I’m blessed that they are close with their father. I know they want to see their mother happily married again, they even ask for another sibling. I can say, that being a single mom makes you more guarded, especially when there is no significant male figure present on a daily basis.

You learn so much from children. They say exactly how they feel particularly between the of ages 2 – 9

I make sure I’m active in their school and sports activities. I have taught them how to take care of the household chores, and how to cook, because these things will benefit them in the long run. I also keep communication between myself and my eldest daughter – who will be thirteen in May – open so that she can discuss anything with me.

Overall being a parent is a beautiful blessing. It has strengthened my heart, mind and soul.

Enjoy Miya’s blog: www.queenmbyoungsoul.blogspot.com

Miya’s social media: Twitter: @Queenmbforever  Instagram: @1queenmiya

What values do you teach your kids?

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Relationships: Should Black Women Date and Marry Down?

So just incase you missed it, some of our favorite black couples have split up in the past few weeks. Household names like Mary J Blige, who filed for divorce from her cheating husband and manager Kendu Isaacs, meanwhile Iyanla Vanzant quietly ended her 14 year relationship and more recently Queen of neo-soul, Jill Scott is embroiled in a public slanging match with her ex-husband of 15 … [Read More...]

Comments

  1. Denise Brown says:

    Great article on being a single mom! I’m encouraged to hear a beautiful black woman say, she values having her girls father in their lives. It is so critically apart of who they are and their development. Fathers bring a completely different approach to raising kids. Awesome article!

  2. I agree it takes a village to raise a child. I have signed my children for Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts at church because I want to make sure they are well-rounded.I definitely echo the woes of being a single mother. I have not been divorce as long, but I have definitely given up even the future thought of trying to be in the dating scene. My youngest is seven, so I figure I still have eight or so years before I really need to think about dating anyway… Thanks for the blog….

    • Miya Brown says:

      Denise ! Thanks for reading . Yes if the childs father is present although the parents are not together is highly important to have the father actively involved .alot of the times i see mothers not allowing the chold to see the father due to bitterness and anger from the past . Its not far for the child.co parenting is a must!

  3. blackcitygirl says:

    Denise and Elisha! This post is awesome! Your comments are heart warming thanks for passing by. I agree a father figure is critical. I’m so happy you enjoyed this post…Miya’s story definitely resonates with many of us.

  4. Miya Brown says:

    Elisha..thanks for reading queen !! Yes take your time .raising kids is a full time job . .remember to take time for yourself also . 🙂 the Boys and Girls club is an excellent outlet for the youth. Proud of you!

  5. Great Article Miya! Your words echo everything that I’ve thought or expressed at one point or another. Thank you for your candidness. Luv you my Sister!

  6. Kevin Elliott says:

    Great Article Miya! I know you are guarded as you should be raising two queen!!!! But you must think and have faith that there is a man out there that can appreciate a woman like you!!! But I love the fact that you know that a companion does not define you as some women seem to believe. Be Blessed Queen.

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