A-Z Dating Manual: He’s Out of My League! Can I Get Him?

Get ahead | Succeed | Career | Love

Well the first mistake you made was to come here to read this!

Because believing a man is out of your league is the first tell tale sign, that you have placed him on a pedestal, and granted him superiority in your mind, which is bound to make you feel inferior.

Let me guess, he oozes charm, he’s got more charisma in his pinky finger than the rest of us have in our whole body, he’s handsome, and he’s a hit with the ladies….*sigh* we’ve all been there.

I have lost out on some incredible men due to my own inferiority complex

Back in the day while living on a shoestring budget as a student, I would be overawed when confident, sometimes, older men with huge salaries and power would ask me out on a date.

Typically my first thought would be – hang on ‘Why me?’

Don’t get me wrong I didn’t feel ugly (though I used to criticize myself) and believe it or not, we had stuff in common. But deep down I suffered from the nagging feeling that I did not measure up.

Not growing up with a mother, really jaded my mentality, around the qualities I have to offer a partner as a woman, therefore I would simply compare their success markers versus my success markers, and surmise that my achievements were nowhere near a match for theirs.

And my neurotic and anxious behavior on dates would soon expose the fact I was in waaaay too deep. Until one day I decided to fix the way I saw myself.

What I learned the hard way is that no successful guy will seriously date a girl he thinks is beneath him. It’s just not going to happen

Attraction is all about perception

A man you believe is out of your league, will only find you attractive long term, when he is convinced you are on the same level or better than him, particularly when you offer strengths to counteract his weaknesses.

A random example

HIM: Handsome, Shy, Rich  + HER: Ugly, Confident, Rich = 

GOOD MATCH

In this case, the woman holds strengths where the man has weaknesses and vice versa, yet they are both similar. Even when a woman is ugly, she can still bag a top notch man, as long as she has similarities to him (i.e background, education, career, values, wealth) and her strengths make up for his weaknesses.

What if you both have strengths in the same area?

A perfect scenario on paper is likely to cause a clash in real life. In any case, who wants to date their carbon copy? People normally choose their other half based on:

  • Similarities
  • The strengths their partner brings to make up for their own weaknesses

Physical chemistry, family, peer pressure and finances play a huge part as well

When you believe he’s out of your league

You will behave according to that mindset through your body language, speech, and mannerisms, whether you are aware of it or not. And the end result is, you will persuade him to believe that he is out of your league as well!

So the number one priority in attracting a man out of your league is to stop believing he is out of your league…even if his spectacular resume says otherwise.

He’s human

Look beyond his money! He is a human being who has weaknesses, insecurities and fears, which are obscured by his bottomless bank account. Take walks with him and go on dates which don’t involve spending a dime. This will give you a chance to relate to him on an equal level. You will also gain his respect far quicker, as he will soon see that you are getting to know him for who he really is – not what he has.

Keep the mystery

From the moment you meet him, you can control his perception of you, by being mysterious. Don’t ruin the physical tension by over talking and telling him your entire life story, it won’t work – I’ve tried it! Be enigmatic and watch his curiosity go into overdrive as his imagination tries to fill in the blanks.

Don’t be nice

Chances are you’re not the only woman who believes he is out of their league so he will be used to girls fawning over him. Being too nice will slim your chances of a proper relationship, and grant you V.I.P access into his crowded fan club – no thanks!

Ultimately your potential to attract this type of guy long term

Is hinged on your ability to place value on yourself. Confidence is key. Men are attracted to self-assured women, no matter what “league” he may belong to. Have a can-do attitude because when you believe you can get him, your chances of succeeding will skyrocket through the roof.

‘The way you see yourself isn’t just important, the way you see yourself is everything.’

Have you dated a guy you felt was out of your league?

How to Get a Man to Fall in Love With You?

Motivate men to notice you, choose you, commit to you & only you: find out more

Click here to get your free copy

Read more 

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4 Ways to Assess He’s a Keeper

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10 Reasons Why he Hasn’t Made it Official

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Relationships: 5 Ways to Stop Dating Potential

Photo cred: @damnrottenkid How to STOP dating potential Not going to take too much of your time know you have a busy week ahead mama nonetheless this is a post worth checking out because if you’re an ambitious black female, maybe you’re aiming for a graduate degree or you’ve just been promoted at work; now your career is sorted you’re probably looking around wondering where all the good brothas … [Read More...]

Comments

  1. Tiffany says:

    Oh my God this is for me!!! I swear. I been dating this guy who owns several companies for the past yr and I know I made a mistake by telling him that I felt intimidated when we first got together. I feel like he lost all respect for me when I told him. Anyway he doesn’t take me seriously now. I will never make that mistake again. Thanks a lot for the advice.

  2. blackcitygirl says:

    Oh man Tiffany. I had one guy who actually used to say to me ‘I intimidate you don’t I?’ Lol. And he really did but I learnt my lesson quick sharp. At the end of the day, successful men are just men. Thanks for stopping by!

  3. solomama14 says:

    This one was for me too doll. 🙂 It takes truly knowing and loving yourself to not be intimidated by others’ achievements or wealth. I believe I’ve finally arrived to a place where I am able to connect w/just about anyone on a human level. Experience, even when unfortunate & at times heartbreaking, has been the best teacher.

    • Thanks for sharing! Yes honey! I can totally relate. I believe you have arrived at a place of confidence where you can see your value and beautiful uniqueness. As you have embraced it, men/others have no choice but to embrace it too. I used to be so flustered and nervous – I would even stutter – around successful guys.

      By the time the date came round I would have already Googled them, built them up in my mind and put them on an imaginary pedestal, but once they sensed my inferiority complex it was a wrap. Nowadays I find the less I know about a guy before the first date the better. When you know every detail it can get intimidating. So I prefer a quick call and a date, then I can be free to meet him as a human being, not a CV, i.e “He went to this school” “He does this” “He makes this much”. As superficial as that sounds.

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