Get ahead | Succeed | Career | Love
So you thought BLACKCITYGIRL had come this far without serious haters?
Everyone comes up against someone who hates them for no logical reason.
These people typically pull strings behind your back to damage your character, or shamelessly undermine your qualities to anyone who will listen, and in extreme cases attempt to sabotage your property because, well…they are deeply unhappy, miserable and resentful.
What exactly do they gain for their malicious behavior – absolutely nothing. Because once they have completed their dirty deeds, and the rush of adrenaline plus sense of control has worn off, they are left reeling in their bitterness…again!
Sadly the biggest offenders will be those closest to you – your family, friends, acquaintances, and partners.
Hate is an inevitable side effect of growth
No ambitious person is exempt – including you. The reality is your immediate circle may find it extremely hard to cope with your change, and perceived success, and will try to frustrate your progress at every turn. The added bonus is…they won’t be able to leave you alone.
More on stalking later
Hate has no color or creed though women are renowned culprits. In many cases, the shade you receive will be barely perceptible, making it hard to distinguish between those who are mildly envious, versus those suffering from a violent attack of jealousy.
Whereas I thought I could write one post covering this, to understand it’s complexity we need a series. >> Deep Breath:
Step ONE identify your HATERS
Haters fall into two categories:
- The Covert Hater: i.e blanking you, competing with you, b**ching behind your back, ignoring you while secretly stalking you.
- The Blatant Hater: i.e seeking revenge, sabotaging, stealing your property, copying your ideas, spreading vile rumors, disrespecting you publicly.
Here are some classic signs
1. A hater will not compliment or congratulate you
It is almost impossible to extract praise from a hater. It will either take a lifetime of waiting, or you may catch wind of a backhanded compliment in exchange for something they need from you.
And forget receiving praise with goodwill, rather, they will say it privately because their ego can’t withstand anyone hearing them commend you. On top of that, they will act as if your accomplishment is an afterthought – even though your success has been gnawing away at their self-esteem from the moment they heard about it.
You can be sure, that whatever compliment you do receive, is an abridged version of a very long envious conflict they’ve had swimming in their head for days.
2. A hater will bad mouth you. It’s part of their DNA
A hater can’t wait to gossip behind your back, and incite others to hate you as well! Because putting you down appeases their insecurities.
Don’t forget your haters will always be comparing themselves to you every spare moment they get, from your looks, weight, sex appeal, career, income, how many likes you get on social media, your friends, your partners, your kids, how many compliments your kids get.
You wouldn’t think they would stoop this low…when in fact there is no level they won’t stoop to, in attempting to make themselves feel better than you.
3. A hater will keep tabs on your life. It’s a full time job
Their excessive and often perverse monitoring over your affairs, means they have no time to build their own lives, therefore you will find within a year, your progress in comparison to theirs is monumental.
They delight in your suffering.
A hater can’t help but to ask you or a mutual friend detailed questions about your personal life. It gives them great pleasure to hear about your woes. On the other hand, nothing causes a hater more anguish than learning that your life is soaring above theirs.
4. A hater will pretend to be a caring friend
Beware these people will use their proximity in your ‘circle of trust’ to deter you from success. Their subtle put downs and criticisms will have you scratching your head in confusion as if your mind is playing tricks on you.
No they really are trying to keep you down! In their view, when they manage to trample over your dreams, they’ve won a never ending war in their mind over who’s worthier.
5. A hater has Oscar winning acting skills
Behaving as if you are irrelevant when in fact you are the main object of their envy.
Make a good joke and a hater won’t be amused. Not to be exposed, they may resort to a fake smile. Or you might be telling a story and catch them rolling their eyes. This also extends to Facebook and Instagram btw; a hater won’t like anything you post even if it appeals to them.
Should they feel generous, they may like one of your quotes, or updates as long as other people have liked it first. And if you dare bring up any of their petty behavior, they will accuse you of being ‘petty’ and ‘ridiculous’ yourself.
Haters are masters of reverse psychology
To spot them, you must detect all the signs above and ensure the person is repeating them over and over again.
Keep your haters at bay in 4 ways:
- Agree with everything they say. Then go do ya own thing!
- Quietly distance yourself. Don’t answer phone calls.
- Cut them off. No explanations. No drama.
- Trump their hatred with more success.
How do you deal with your haters?
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Read more from Anatomy of a Hater series here:
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