A-Z Dating Manual: 4 Ways to Assess He’s a Keeper

dating 1

Look what I found in our inbox recently: ‘I need a lover kindly get me one.’ 

Hilarious!

While I wish I could gift-wrap and mail a delicious man over in a box, I concur that it’s high time we delved into the modern world of dating, to navigate our way around, the dos and don’ts of first date etiquette. The problem is todays dating ‘rules’ are shrouded in mystery, and the boundaries are somewhat blurred, with both genders having ambiguous expectations about:

  • Where to go for that all-important first date?
  • Who pays?
  • What to wear?
  • What to say during your call?
  • The level of intimacy afterwards?

Questions we plan to tackle right here, right now

Let’s say the average single lady meets one man with potential per year – at least you deserve to – I can bet you’ve experienced a tinge of hope, pretty early on in your first encounter; it’s a sensation which erupts in your gut within seconds of conversing with him, like an alarm bell screaming…

‘Bingo we have potential here’

The last thing you want to do is act too keen, because desperation is the last thing you want him to detect. When he asks for your number, and you keep your composure, who knows he may even get the vibe that, ‘This is no big deal…this happens all the time.’ 

Which is precisely what you want him to think

In the wake of your initial euphoria, and having relayed every minutiae detail of your budding romance – including what he was wearing and his cheeky smile – to your family, friends and co-workers…

What next?

dating13This type of scenario plays out in every corner of society, and it can be a struggle to come up with a formula that works! That’s where we come in, *disclaimer our suggestions may not be bullet proof, nor gospel, but they do offer a course of action worth considering if you need to rework your game plan:

The Call

One simple way to gage a man’s potential is to see whether you get butterflies when you notice his number blowing up your cell phone. Quite frankly, it’s a nice little boost to the ego, knowing he actually followed through. Your next concern is to check the time. Is he calling you at some ungodly hour? Meaning after 10pm. Makes you wonder, what was so important that he could only squeeze your call in at the last minute?

Anyone who takes you seriously will contact you long before the early hours of the morning, because they will respect the fact you have a life, after all they barely know you! Besides, receiving a call close to midnight is not the introduction you want to a serious relationship. Oh and you may have been anticipating his call all day long – though he doesn’t need to know that. Keep your opening conversation brief. Or Do. You. talk to your heart’s content, nevertheless…

The more familiar he becomes with you on the phone, the more brazen he may feel to ask you over to his place…instead of somewhere special. You do want him to make an effort don’t you? 

The Outfit 

What outcome are you aiming for? It’s only right we dress to impress when we are hoping for something long term. Don’t get me wrong, expressing your fashion flair is part of your sex appeal, however letting it all hang out…is for women he wants to screw.

Having gleaned over your social media accounts and after making all the right moves – in other words, calling you at a decent hour, then speaking to you long enough to ask you out officially – chances are he will find you very attractive. Whether you plan your outfit in advance, or throw on a few casual pieces from your closet, he will notice, and the direction of your style will speak volumes to him.

The Venue

We all have fantasies of our perfect date. Wouldn’t it be lovely if he booked the best table at Nobu, or requested seats on the veranda, for you to watch the sunset together? *How cute* Given the choice, most women prefer creativity and imagination in their dating lives. So why does he fail to deliver? Well there could be a number of reasons…

  1. He might be dating other women. We are living in a world where eligible men outnumber single girls 3-1, meaning he can take advantage of a varied choice. It’s hardly surprising then, that he may lose creative momentum by the time he gets around to arranging a date with us.
  2. He might not be rich. While he would love to take you to a five star spot, have mercy on him, because the poor guy simply can’t afford it! Try and be flexible unless he specifically asks you to choose a venue. A lot of men are work in progress, which bears no reflection on their potential.
  3.  Some guys are scandalous enough to pass off a rendezvous at their place, as a “proper date”…no that’s called a booty call! Hey if that rocks your boat – go right ahead – if you want more however, you may want to rethink settling for any man who says ‘Do you want to come over to mine?’ for a first date. Look on the bright side honey, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

The Date

It’s not out of the question to see a grown woman paying for the check in a man’s company. Nonetheless, when he asks you out, it still matters who pays for that check. By all means give him the benefit of the doubt, settle the amount yourself…and date him again, however make a mental note because ladies, we are not in the business of entertaining freeloaders. Not now. Not ever.

Don’t miss a beat; how well he treats you on your first date is merely a glimpse into his long-term conduct. Scrutinize his behavior with a fine tooth comb because your qualms on the first few dates, are sure to turn into major gripes later on, unless you deal with them head on.

If he has his way, the level of intimacy on your first date, will totally depend on how horny you both get. Let’s keep in mind that women set the tone, uphold the standard, oftentimes without fully acknowledging their power. His level of respect for you, plus your future as a couple hinges upon your ability to act with class.

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Relationships: Should Black Women Date and Marry Down?

So just incase you missed it, some of our favorite black couples have split up in the past few weeks. Household names like Mary J Blige, who filed for divorce from her cheating husband and manager Kendu Isaacs, meanwhile Iyanla Vanzant quietly ended her 14 year relationship and more recently Queen of neo-soul, Jill Scott is embroiled in a public slanging match with her ex-husband of 15 … [Read More...]

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