Relationships: The Best Kept Secret to Having a Great Love Life

Get ahead | Succeed | Career | Love
I lurve me some me

Fall madly in love with yourself everyday puh-lease.

The amount of self-love you possess is one of the most significant factors in determining your future. Not to be underestimated, the love you give yourself either molds you into someone who reaches their highest potential, or someone who spirals out of control to become their own worst enemy. If you’re having difficulty loving yourself – not to worry! It’s well documented that loving yourself 100% is one of the biggest challenges one can ever face.

To give you an idea, everything you see in your outside world today, including your weight, love life, fashion sense, behavior, career choice, dreams – you name it – started manifesting inside of you years beforehand, as a consequence of how you felt about yourself.

Yes I'm all that

It is understandably difficult to love yourself when you are constantly bombarded with perfect images, or when you’re coming up against life’s struggles. In those moments, it’s all too easy to start thinking you’re not good enough, rich enough, or hot enough. Possibly why competition between women is at an all time high, as we stubbornly remain focused on our flaws, comparing ourselves to other females, instead of appreciating how special we are. Women are notorious for this.

Never forget that there is only one person like you on this planet, with your DNA, unique talents, your purpose, a role and that no one else can play but you.

In the same way, we spend time aiming for love, only to end up feeling empty and lost when men let us down. Unfortunately, there is no human being who can fill that void. To be loved properly you must learn to love and respect yourself, otherwise you’ll be at a higher risk of attracting and remaining around people who disrespect you. And you don’t need that! 

I'm Flawless

What is self-love?

Well irrespective of how beautiful or wealthy you are by mainstream standards, and what you have decided works for you in terms of shopping, love, weaves or bleaching, it’s really none of my business. However there is one inescapable fact about everyone who is comfortable in their own skin and truly happy within – don’t you just hate the women who always seem to be happy, ugh! They’re always happy for others, happy in their relationships, and happy in their career choices, well the big secret is, they adopted a high degree of self love in their life before they found happiness. And their ability to love themselves enabled them to give love and receive love properly.

Implying that, no matter what state they were in (physically, mentally, financially, health wise) they looked in the mirror and decided to develop a positive, mental attitude towards themselves, by believing they were worthy, in spite of any degrading comments, and insinuations – they believed they were good enough. Full stop.  Their innate sense of worthiness, then became the platform used to achieve in every task they put their mind to.

Voila! It’s really that simple

Real self love shouldn’t be confused with shallow self worth, attached to what you wear, what your complexion is, what handbag you’re carrying, or what hair you happen to be wearing. It’s a belief that is honed in your inner core, to the extent that if your possessions were taken away, or God forbid, you couldn’t afford to wear cute clothes, or Brazilian hair 🙂 you would still believe in your own worth, feeling confident to go after what you deserve – without any of that stuff!

Granted this is easier said than done, especially since we live in a world which glorifies money (you’ve gotta eat) and puts pressure on women to settle down, let me share one tip which has helped me overcome because I love shopping, making money, and looking good:

Comparison Kills

Making comparisons will kill your potential, and steal any hope of you achieving joy, because you will be too consumed with jealousy to see your own uniqueness. Seriously.

When I first started out, it didn’t take me long, to zone in on the most accomplished black writers and bloggers online. The worst thing was as soon as I stumbled across one of them, I discovered all of them, and my eyes were peeled to my computer screen for hours, as I sized up their work, reading slowly with skeptism…searching for a spelling mistake, grammatical error, or at least something to help me confirm they weren’t all that! When I failed (miserably I might add) the pangs of jealousy came flooding in like a shock wave. Those moments induced thoughts like uh-oh – how the heck am I ever going to compete?

I felt so anxious, and almost gave up on the idea of launching BCG because I felt that I wouldn’t measure up, as I systematically compared their body of work, their style of writing, their accolades, and in some cases dismissed their talent altogether because I felt threatened and intimidated.

That’s why I’m so thankful my mentor stepped in (more than once) and advised me to stay in my own lane.

She ain't all that anyway!

Here’s the thing, women compare everything…

Most of all looks. Meaning we tend to clock every aspect of another woman’s persona, then make a snap judgment about who she is. And if we feel she is better than us, in extreme cases, our grudge will escalate into an all out war, of hate and animosity, on the other hand if we admire her, we start to hang onto every word she says as if she can do no wrong. Forget it nobody is more perfect at being you, than you. Focus your energy and time on developing your inner self. Just imagine where you could be in 365 days, if you actually followed through? Hello! You’d feel fabulous in no time!

Ask yourself

  • What type of person you could develop into if you found your gifts?
  • What would you achieve, and how much money would you make, if you valued and assessed what you have to offer this world?

These are pertinent questions. You should not want to leave this earth without answering them. If that means suspending your life, and having some alone time, so be it.

#YouAreWorthIt

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Relationships: 5 Ways to Stop Dating Potential

Photo cred: @damnrottenkid How to STOP dating potential Not going to take too much of your time know you have a busy week ahead mama nonetheless this is a post worth checking out because if you’re an ambitious black female, maybe you’re aiming for a graduate degree or you’ve just been promoted at work; now your career is sorted you’re probably looking around wondering where all the good brothas … [Read More...]

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