Get ahead | Succeed | Career | Love

Guest blog by: Vivien Rose

Why am I not happy?

Have you ever done it by the book? You take pride in your appearance (and so you should), you worked hard to get your qualifications, you got your own apartment in the right part of town and to top it all off…you hooked up with a great guy. On the outside, you are making progress, and the future looks bright! Yet that nagging feeling of insecurity hasn’t left you. It bugs you enough, to drive you on to the next accomplishment, but despite your impressive list of accolades, there is still something missing. Talking from experience, I have discovered, that when we ladies focus our energies on ‘working-it’ on the outside; looking good, smelling great, making the right connections, and being seen at all the right events, but forget to dress up our inner-self,  we may look successful on the outside, however we can still suffer from feelings of insecurity or failure on the inside.

Self confidence is the most attractive garment any woman can wear

Self confidence should not be confused with what some women do. You know the one, you can’t not-notice her – with her loud in-your-face personality, she always seems to put on a show, for all to see and hear wherever she goes. That is more like Miss No-Class and Miss Insecurity! What I am talking about is feeling comfortable in your own skin. Knowing who you are and liking yourself – warts and all – right where you are.

Lets be honest ladies, so often, we think we must have it all together before we feel good about ourselves. Our self confidence, is founded on a carefully constructed tick list, made up of pursuits and possessions such as a hot body, getting a man, wearing designer clothes, and buying a house uptown. The problem is, nothing is permanent. Our bodies change with age and these days it feels like catching and keeping a good man, is a degree course all in itself!  As for our careers (with such a precarious job climate) our status-updates on Facebook and LinkedIn can change from ‘employed’ to ‘looking for work’ in an instant!  So what is the key?

Free to be me

The key to lasting confidence is self acceptance. Until you can like the girl in the mirror, it will always be hard for you to be truly confident. You will keep trying to prop up your self image with things and people. The sad part is that so many girls and women today make the same mistake. They reject the essence of who they are, and actually believe that when they put on somebody else’s personality outfit, they will have it going on. The real them dies and an impersonator lives. But be warned, whatever you start, you have to maintain. So the girlfriends you hang with, are the ones who are going to like the ‘fake you’ and the man you date, will be attracted to who he thinks you are….while all the time, you want to be liked and loved just for you. 

Take the mask off

You don’t need to be like anyone else. You were created as you are for a reason. This year make a quality decision, to stay true to yourself. Who are you trying to impress anyway?! Has it ever occurred to you, they may also be trying to impress you too? Think about it. Why do they spend so much time advertising themselves to you, talking about what they have, and what they’ve been doing, if they are not bothered about your opinion? Listen, stop putting yourself down. Once you accept yourself, you can work on areas that are weak, and capitalize on your strong points without allowing your imperfections to dent your self esteem.

The knowledge that you are special and uniquely created for a purpose by God, should become your main anchor for building your life. Being successful means, building your life from the inside out, and accepting yourself is the foundation to this process. Put it this way, if you lost everything today (not wishing it to happen) at least you will still have YOU. Things are enjoyable and they are the natural rewards of discipline, and hard work but no thing can compare to you. Given enough time and money, you can replace it – but it can never replace you. Always remember that.

A poem I wrote for you


Where I come from and the heritage I bear
My looks, my shape, my weight and my hair
My accent, My tastes, My true nationality
The way I am wired and My core personality
For there is no copy
I’m one of a kind
A true work of art
God’s beloved mastermind

© Vivien Rose 2012

Vivien Rose is the author of: Winning The Battle Against Domestic Violence and Abuse

A self-help and recovery guide written for women seeking to combat the devastating effects of domestic violence and abuse.

Click here to view her book

Did you find this article helpful?

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  1. Bernadette Nakyambadde Kwagalakwe Bulega says:

    promoting myself.Telling family and friends about what I do whenever I go out,has made some people give me a way forward.This article has really given me more confidence in what and how I do it.I’m working on succeeding as a consultant in Accounting and Financial management for Education Institutions and businesses.Thanks.

  2. Wow this is great motivation despite the fact that am a man I find enthralling!

  3. Wow. A totally uplifting article. Thank you…

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