Many single BLACKCITYGIRLS reach a stage when they are exasperated and genuinely tired of patiently waiting for a “good black man” so they take destiny into their own hands, by re-assessing their options. It rarely takes them long to identify a handful of good reasons to date Caucasian men, as an alternative strategy to finding love and happiness. The typical narrative reads that, black men were once her preference, but an avalanche of false hope and disillusionment has steadily crept in after years of dead-end relationships, disastrous hook ups, not mentioning the babies with fathers who disappear into oblivion.
As we mature, the once gigantic pool of marriageable partners drastically shrinks, due to the fact the majority of black men we’ve dealt with either fail, or have no inner desire to meet our standards. At other times black women are just sick of black men and their antics! To them dating “black” means signing up for “drama” and all of the inclusive “terms and conditions”.
Good news for black women
Dating outside our race, has never been more popular. This trend exploded onto the couples scene in the past decade, but it took a while for black women to shrug off the initial stigma because the black community, in particular black men were disgruntled and highly outspoken in their opposition. To this day, if you’re a black woman walking down the street, holding a white man’s hand, you’ll bear witness to the black man and his scowl – it comes with the territory.
Not to be downtrodden, black women have finally plucked up the courage to openly canoodle with Caucasian men and flaunt their unbridled passion in parks, on trains, at the back of restaurants, in nightclubs, in fact everywhere you turn these days, you’re likely to see a black woman flagrantly revelling in her new found freedom. I personally have black girlfriends who pointedly refuse to date or even look at black men, so ingrained is their dissatisfaction.
For years, eligible black men were the ones calling the shots in the dating game, often-times deliberately choosing other races above our own. As a result, millions of young attractive black women were pushed into an emotional abyss, missing out on long term stability, while being reduced to picking from a really bad bunch. These days, the only solution (bar waiting for Jesus to come back) is to seek out other opportunities for ourselves. However, like anything in life, every remedy has its flaws, we can easily make the choices, but we can’t always control the outcome, therefore it’s essential to analyze the pros and cons, in order for us to make a rational decision which isn’t based on negative emotions, such as resentment or spite towards black men.
You will experience some high points and low points when dating a Caucasian man
Every black community, across the globe is acutely defined by its culture and traditions. Most traditions uplift a nation, but examine closely and you’ll discover that a few are nothing more than gift wrapped misogyny. Dating a Caucasian man alleviates the pressure of having to deal directly with this ancient belief system. With his upbringing, a white man’s moral compass is less likely to be anchored on tenets which inadvertently state that women are inferior.
Should your relationship become serious, you will inevitably have to meet his parents, and we all know how unsavoury the image of the black woman is in the media! So imagine meeting people who may never have encountered nor had a proper conversation with a black person – ever. Chances are, you will be forced to break down solid, and insurmountable walls of discrimination. No question, his support should always be there, but it’s kinda dispiriting having to defend yourself all the time. Moreover, even when they invite you into the fold, you will gain the questionable status of being “different” from other black folks – of course they maybe open minded.
Some white men will agonize over having a child that is half black. It’s nothing personal, he probably never considered having a bi-racial child before meeting you. It’s a tough call, as he will have envisaged having children in his own image.
One of the traits that separates white men from black men, is their ability to express their feelings and listen. Caucasian men are encouraged to display their emotions, and communicate the way they feel from a young age. Yes black men have the same capacity to talk, but their life experience is altogether different, as tradition often dictates their sense of self. In some cultures, a black man is placed on a pedestal from childhood, giving him full autonomy to act and speak to women however he pleases. Therefore dating a white man allows a black woman to connect with someone who isn’t afraid to open up, and pour things off his chest without automatically dumping blame on her doorstep.
Dating a Caucasian man can feel extremely isolating, especially when you realize that he has no other black friends. In tandem, he may feel uneasy about coming into your social circle. If he likes you enough, he’ll try, but in many cases, dating a white man requires a black woman to gradually surrender her own identity, in a process which begins innocently enough (while spending long spells with him) but eventually culminates into a full blown transformation.
A small minority of Caucasian men fall in love with the notion, of going out with an “exotic” creature. You know the guy, who ONLY dates black women, as if it’s a lifestyle choice! He invariably doesn’t see you as an individual or human being but rather a sexual fetish. There is no hope in a long term relationship with this type, as he would never dream of introducing you to his mother. If he does, it’s in passing, with no threat of a meaningful conversation, as deep down he just isn’t proud of you! When you get to know him, you’ll recognize that he holds no respect for black women, but is gripped by an unresolved addiction for what he believes we represent.
Some black men, suffer from an inferiority complex, because they are treated like second class citizens, even when they are at the top of their fields. Black men have to hustle, prove themselves, and defend their manhood, when most are decent and upstanding gentlemen. This will cause stress in anyone’s relationship. Caucasian men on the other hand, are perfectly comfortable with power; paranoia is foreign to them, because they enjoy a social advantage and it shows in their demeanor and swagger.
There are certain parts of a black woman’s lifestyle, that no other race can intrinsically understand in the way a black man can. We don’t need to explain our natural hair, our weaves, our night scarves, our round bottoms, creaming our skin, our diet or racism because he grew up with black women, so he gets it!In contrast, a white man will take a few weeks, even months to break in and may never get used to our nuances.
What is your view on interracial dating?
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