Swirl: Fed Up With Black Men? The Highs and Lows of Dating White Men

Many single BLACKCITYGIRLS reach a stage when they are exasperated and genuinely tired of patiently waiting for a “good black man” so they take destiny into their own hands, by re-assessing their options. It rarely takes them long to identify a handful of good reasons to date Caucasian men, as an alternative strategy to finding love and happiness. The typical narrative reads that, black men were once her preference, but an avalanche of false hope and disillusionment has steadily crept in after years of dead-end relationships, disastrous hook ups, not mentioning the babies with fathers who disappear into oblivion.

As we mature, the once gigantic pool of marriageable partners drastically shrinks, due to the fact the majority of black men we’ve dealt with either fail, or have no inner desire to meet our standards. At other times black women are just sick of black men and their antics! To them dating “black” means signing up for “drama” and all of the inclusive “terms and conditions”.

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Good news for black women

Dating outside our race, has never been more popular. This trend exploded onto the couples scene in the past decade, but it took a while for black women to shrug off the initial stigma because the black community, in particular black men were disgruntled and highly outspoken in their opposition. To this day, if you’re a black woman walking down the street, holding a white man’s hand, you’ll bear witness to the black man and his scowl – it comes with the territory.

Not to be downtrodden, black women have finally plucked up the courage to openly canoodle with Caucasian men and flaunt their unbridled passion in parks, on trains, at the back of restaurants, in nightclubs, in fact everywhere you turn these days, you’re likely to see a black woman flagrantly revelling in her new found freedom. I personally have black girlfriends who pointedly refuse to date or even look at black men, so ingrained is their dissatisfaction.

For years, eligible black men were the ones calling the shots in the dating game, often-times deliberately choosing other races above our own. As a result, millions of young attractive black women were pushed into an emotional abyss, missing out on long term stability, while being reduced to picking from a really bad bunch. These days, the only solution (bar waiting for Jesus to come back) is to seek out other opportunities for ourselves. However, like anything in life, every remedy has its flaws, we can easily make the choices, but we can’t always control the outcome, therefore it’s essential to analyze the pros and cons, in order for us to make a rational decision which isn’t based on negative emotions, such as resentment or spite towards black men.

You will experience some high points and low points when dating a Caucasian man

Every black community, across the globe is acutely defined by its culture and traditions. Most traditions uplift a nation, but examine closely and you’ll discover that a few are nothing more than gift wrapped misogyny. Dating a Caucasian man alleviates the pressure of having to deal directly with this ancient belief system. With his upbringing, a white man’s moral compass is less likely to be anchored on tenets which inadvertently state that women are inferior.

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Should your relationship become serious, you will inevitably have to meet his parents, and we all know how unsavoury the image of the black woman is in the media! So imagine meeting people who may never have encountered nor had a proper conversation with a black person – ever. Chances are, you will be forced to break down solid, and insurmountable walls of discrimination. No question, his support should always be there, but it’s kinda dispiriting having to defend yourself all the time. Moreover, even when they invite you into the fold, you will gain the questionable status of being “different” from other black folks – of course they maybe open minded.

dating 17Some white men will agonize over having a child that is half black. It’s nothing personal, he probably never considered having a bi-racial child before meeting you. It’s a tough call, as he will have envisaged having children in his own image.

One of the traits that separates white men from black men, is their ability to express their feelings and listen. Caucasian men are encouraged to display their emotions, and communicate the way they feel from a young age. Yes black men have the same capacity to talk, but their life experience is altogether different, as tradition often dictates their sense of self. In some cultures, a black man is placed on a pedestal from childhood, giving him full autonomy to act and speak to women however he pleases. Therefore dating a white man allows a black woman to connect with someone who isn’t afraid to open up, and pour things off his chest without automatically dumping blame on her doorstep.

Dating a Caucasian man can feel extremely isolating, especially when you realize that he has no other black friends. In tandem, he may feel uneasy about coming into your social circle. If he likes you enough, he’ll try, but in many cases, dating a white man requires a black woman to gradually surrender her own identity, in a process which begins innocently enough (while spending long spells with him) but eventually culminates into a full blown transformation.

A small minority of Caucasian men fall in love with the notion, of going out with an “exotic” creature. You know the guy, who ONLY dates black women, as if it’s a lifestyle choice! He invariably doesn’t see you as an individual or human being but rather a sexual fetish. There is no hope in a long term relationship with this type, as he would never dream of introducing you to his mother. If he does, it’s in passing, with no threat of a meaningful conversation, as deep down he just isn’t proud of you! When you get to know him, you’ll recognize that he holds no respect for black women, but is gripped by an unresolved addiction for what he believes we represent.

Some black men, suffer from an inferiority complex, because they are treated like second class citizens, even when they are at the top of their fields. Black men have to hustle, prove themselves, and defend their manhood, when most are decent and upstanding gentlemen. This will cause stress in anyone’s relationship. Caucasian men on the other hand, are perfectly comfortable with power; paranoia is foreign to them, because they enjoy a social advantage and it shows in their demeanor and swagger.

There are certain parts of a black woman’s lifestyle, that no other race can intrinsically understand in the way a black man can. We don’t need to explain our natural hair, our weaves, our night scarves, our round bottoms, creaming our skin, our diet or racism because he grew up with black women, so he gets it!In contrast, a white man will take a few weeks, even months to break in and may never get used to our nuances.

What is your view on interracial dating?

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Relationships: 5 Ways to Stop Dating Potential

Photo cred: @damnrottenkid How to STOP dating potential Not going to take too much of your time know you have a busy week ahead mama nonetheless this is a post worth checking out because if you’re an ambitious black female, maybe you’re aiming for a graduate degree or you’ve just been promoted at work; now your career is sorted you’re probably looking around wondering where all the good brothas … [Read More...]

Comments

  1. Do you get married to those guys or they just play around with your feelings

  2. I love white men, regardless of what people say. I personally think that they are better than black men in every single way. 🙂

    • Amen, amen and Amen.
      Yes, now you get the idea and please don’t ever go back to the blackman, because all he would do is hurt you, they’re just useless.

  3. I like this. though I gat no Comparison between both men. Keep it up.

  4. I’m white and I would love to have a beautiful black woman in my life. From an early age my mother taught me to see people for who they are and not what they look like and as a result, I am attracted to a whole spectrum of women. I would never be ashamed or afraid to introduce my parents to my girlfriend just because she is black. It was my parents who taught me that I could date and marry anyone I fall in Love with. As for having children with a black woman, my child is my child! I will always love my child, no matter what he or she looks like (if I ever have kids)!

  5. Done with Black Men says:

    I was a single black woman who only dated black men. I lived in Phoenix, a city where black men hate black women. After 10 years of getting no where, I married a white man. Now I am married with kids.

    • Adam G. says:

      I hope you and your husband have a long happy life together. God bless you and your family.

    • Congratulations, you’ve finally seen the light. I’m so happy for you and the smart choice that you’ve made, I wish you haven’t waited so long but overall I’m glad for you.

  6. These interracial pictures are so beautiful, I wish that was me in arms with a good lookin white man, boy I wish that wasme, oh boy!!!

  7. “Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.”

    Some BW have NEVER been attracted to BM, other BW have had many FAILED relationships with BM, others understand there are NOT NEARLY ENOUGH BM to go around (stats are hard to argue with), let alone the few eligible BM that even like BW. About that last group, BW are starting to tune into the fact that many BM denigrate us to no end in public (some even HATE BW expect for their mamas- lil wayne, Kayne and so on…)…what a turn off!!

    One or two examples of married BM who like BW is a drop in the ocean and won’t do any thing for us single ladies.

    In the end, all that matters is YOUR INDIVIDUAL happiness.

    A man who is stable and values you of any color (Hispanic, Asian, White, some non-American BM) will make you happy, and allow you to move on with your life DRAMA FREE.

  8. I am a white man with a wonderful jamaican black wife for well over 10 years. We are very happy. Our backgrounds are very different as to class and culture.

    But we find these things inevitably complement and help our relationship and give us both a more balanced and informed perspective on our lives and the lives of other

  9. I’m a black female, and currently looking for a white guy, tired of dating black men, I guess I was never lucky to find good ones 😦

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