Relationships: How to Win Respect in Your Relationship

You met him a year ago although it only feels like yesterday!

There was an instant attraction from the beginning and the following week you accepted his invitation for a date. You had an unbelievable amount in common; needless to say, those first few months flew by like a whirlwind. There was so much to discover and for this reason you were practically glued together.

With all your stuff at his place, it just made sense to move in, so when he eventually asked – you didn’t hesitate. But overnight everything changed, the once engaging conversation and spontaneous lovemaking sessions quickly dried up. Lately you seem to be living separate lives, with no affection or connection and you are feeling hurt. The problem is you have invested an entire year of your life with this man and if you’re truthful with yourself – you love him. So you’re beginning to wonder how you can rekindle the magic you once had before he decides to leave you.

Stop forgiving him!

Women have the capacity to love unconditionally – honestly, a man can be hideous to look at, have 5 baby mothers, lie, cheat (in other words be a complete deadbeat) and with enough charm, he can still attract a woman who is clearly way out of his league! I mean, one glimpse of them is enough to make you cringe. The tragedy is, she will overlook all of his pronounced flaws, fall head over heels and add to his oversized brood (it’s so common these days). This is why we need to understand our basic female nature to avoid relationships we may later regret – women are caregivers and nurtures, and when we fall in love, our emotions disproportionately influence our actions above our logic and rationale. As a result we nearly always find it difficult to let go and walk away from men once our feelings are involved.

It is one thing forgiving a man who has made a human error when he is truly repentant, but it is quite another condoning his shenanigans over and over again. I can’t tell you the amount of times a girlfriend has confided in me, recounting all the ways her man has misbehaved, you name it, forgetting her birthday, abandoning her at home while he visits the strip club, cancelling their dates, neglecting her for his boys, sleeping with other women behind her back, yet she is still there, swallowing all of his excuses when he eventually decides to return into her arms. Of course her man gets an earful, but after the frantic make up sex and the empty promises, they go full circle back to square one: where he is happily doing the same thing and she is allowing it.

Women are caregivers and nurtures, and when we fall in love, our emotions influence our actions above our logic and rationale

The fact is he is acting like a punk because he is cock-sure she is NOT going anywhere. He knows he can curse her out, call her all number of names, lord knows even spit in her face and she will still stay! I can see most of you shaking your head and saying – no that isn’t me, I mean I have more self respect, but let’s be real, for all of the gusto women display when it comes to feminism and equal rights, some of us have lost our nerve when it comes to walking away from dysfunctional relationships. A man who continuously makes the same “mistakes” will only repent and start treating you properly AFTER he has suffered a consequence (your absence). Don’t threaten him; just make up your mind to leave when your emotions get too much to bear. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would tell myself not to accept foolishness from men I was often casually dating, not because of pride, but out of principle – as they had done little to deserve my companionship. And in the end, my forgiveness gained nothing, as we soon went our separate ways anyway.

Beyonce said it best “Who run’s the world – girls!” – women have the power to draw the line. I appreciate that emotions can get the better of us and living with a partner is convenient, but that still doesn’t mean we cannot make choices based on what is best for our long term future rather than giving in to what feels good in the moment. If it happens once it’s his fault, twice it’s your fault. Your loyalty will not convince a man to commit. In fact he is probably keeping you around to relieve his sexual appetite until he can find a woman that knows how to put him in his place. Every man likes a challenge and he subconsciously admires the woman who is prepared to discipline him when he does wrong. Therefore the message we are projecting when we continually forgive without penalty is that we will accept anything, that we will go to any lengths to keep a relationship, that we will neglect our inner conscience and the feelings of betrayal to save face when our men step out of line. Why should any human being respect you if you don’t even respect yourself? Unfortunately we live in a world where respect is earned not deserved; people will only treat you how you allow them to. For a man has to realize there is a price to pay for his misdemeanor’s and that he has to value your presence in his life in order to gain your love and support – nothing less.

How to Get a Man to Fall in Love With You?

Click here to get your free tips today

Why not share this on Twitter and Facebook with your friends and family now

Join 1,183 other followers

Relationships: Should Black Women Date and Marry Down?

So just incase you missed it, some of our favorite black couples have split up in the past few weeks. Household names like Mary J Blige, who filed for divorce from her cheating husband and manager Kendu Isaacs, meanwhile Iyanla Vanzant quietly ended her 14 year relationship and more recently Queen of neo-soul, Jill Scott is embroiled in a public slanging match with her ex-husband of 15 … [Read More...]

Comments

  1. I’ve always considered myself a no-nonsense kind of girl and when dating, I’ve always put it on the table about what was and wasn’t acceptable. Even with my fiance, he knows that I’ll forgive him for some things, but he also knows that there are some things that will get him left by himself.

    We definitely need to start having more respect for ourselves first. Women also need to stop letting men get away with so much. I think this problem is mostly with women that have self-worth issues, because they think that if they leave their man they won’t find anyone else.

    Whitney
    The Decor Chronicles

  2. Whitney sooooo good to hear your advice. Thanks for your words of wisdom. I wrote this because a few girlfriends have confided in me in the past, complaining about their boyfriends & after hitting rock bottom over the situation, few have left….even when the guy is downright disrespectful. Granted no relationship is perfect, but it’s almost as if they enjoy being miserable. Forgiveness is a beautiful act but a man must be worthy of this gesture. If he keeps re-offending then the onus is on the woman to protect herself from more pain.

    I also find the above is an easy cycle to fall into when we want a relationship above anything else. I say this all the time but being comfortable alone & developing a loving relationship with ourselves will place us in an advantageous position when a good man materialises. And most of all, self development & inner harmony boosts our confidence to the extent we refuse to accept garbage from a man. Easier said than done, I know…. but it can be achieved.

  3. michelle says:

    This is a very nice write-up BCG.. I follow this rules and i am glad to say that i have never been disrespected by any man. But my big questions are….. What if i am the one not showing enough care? Is that i am not ready? And if i aint ready,how can i break up with my man without hurting his feelings? It is really confusing sometimes. Most men do suffer in the hands of women.

  4. Givan Ollie says:

    this is awesome, i wish i had such people around me

Leave a comment here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to subscribe this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,183 other followers

%d bloggers like this: