Relationships: 4 Ways to Weed Out Men Who Only Want You For Sex

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Your eyes met across a crowded bar

He was different

You had spent the entire evening getting to know him yesterday (or so you thought). Your feelings emerged after meeting him last weekend in a bar; he had smiled at you and bought you a drink. One drink led to another and before long, he was escorting you back to yours. After coming to your senses, you issued a polite excuse to stop him from following you upstairs. Although he looked slightly dejected, he did ask for your number, and as he was so sexy charming, you didn’t hesitate to comply.

The flirting was a turn on

He sent you a cheeky text the next day and you replied straight away, but then he took a couple of days to respond. This delay unexpectedly got under your skin, but as the romance was still developing, you let it go. Fast forward 3 days and another text arrived on Friday. Your heart fluttered as you read his invitation to a friend’s birthday drinks. Wow! He had thought of you, since the bash was located near to your workplace. You didn’t have anything crucial planned that night plus meeting him gave you an excuse to wear those killer heels you had ordered online.

He was worth the effort

6 o’clock rolled around and you found yourself in the bar…and there he was! He bounded over and kissed you dangerously close to your freshly glossed lips. The rest of the night was devoted to gazing into each other’s eyes and laughing, he took you home, again. Only this time, it felt right to accept him upstairs. It didn’t take long to discover that he was much bigger than you’d anticipated – needless to say you had a great time in his company.

He pressed all the right buttons

But 48 hours passed and you received no phone call – not even a text! But he said he’d call?

If only men were more reliable!

This is a typical story in a City Girl’s life. No matter how much we swear off quick flings, there is always one guy that slips through the net. Without fail, he ends up disappointing us. Our rationale warns us not to have high expectations, yet a little voice in the back of our heads still hopes for the best. If you’re fed up with guys not taking you seriously:

Here are 4 quick methods to weed out men who just want you for sex

1. Never accept a date via text

When a man is a serial texter and fails to call before your first date then he does not take you seriously. Of course there are exceptions to every rule but in most cases his behavior expresses his desire to have sex with you and his indifference for anything more. A text is the minimum effort required to see you and he won’t have to face the awkwardness of conducting a conversation when he isn’t interested in your personality.

2. Never accept a date on the same day he asks

A man is entitled to become arrogant when he sees that you are prepared to drop everything to see him at the last minute. No matter how enticing his invitation is, when you accept on the same day, it sends out the wrong message. 9 times out of 10 you already have plans, even if they entail going home to wash your hair. At the beginning of the romance, your priority should be you, as the man has done nothing to deserve you prioritizing his needs above your own.

3. Pace yourself

By taking your time to respond to texts, emails and calls, the relationship will move at a speed that makes you feel comfortable and will give you time to think of an appropriate response. Even if a man thinks you are playing games, your actions will still convey a high level of self respect, showing him that he is not the most important person in your life. Until a man proves worthy of your immediate attention he should earn that luxury.

4. Keep the goodies in the cookie jar

Nowadays some men feel entitled to your body after splashing out on 1 date! Unless you have signed a contract which outlines that he will receive sex after spending money on you, then you are well within your rights to keep your legs closed! The longer you avoid sex the more effort he has to make to get to know you as a person. A man with casual intentions will find the wait extremely tiring. And sooner or later he’ll begin pursuing a woman that will satisfy his basic needs.

Has this scenario ever happened to you or anyone you know?

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Comments

  1. As the out spoken man that I am; #4 & maybe #1 will be the ones I will say I agree with.
    4. Definitely because too many people want to put the horse before the carriage as is said! Build up some anticipation and make me want for it. Show yourself as being different from all the other women I can get “IT” from!
    1. There can be some legitimacy here; yet do to the way society is going, this is the new norm when it comes to dating. Right or wrong is not my CALL to make. We’re constantly on our phones, iPads/IPods and tablets. Just the way it is today!
    2 & 3 – you’re opening up a that lil game we always play with each other: men/women.
    Well I won’t answer his call or I’m gonna make him wait is a dangerous game to play. That Slippery Slope! So I’m gonna respond by saying, oh guess she’s not interested. I asked her out, no response; I called her, sent a text, no response; on to the next one!
    Just this mans opinion!
    Ladies feel free to respond I’m open to all critics… Lol

    • I agree with you that #4 is the most important. I am the kind of girls who “keeps the goodies in cookies jar” until I know if the guy is worth it. And the guys who don’t indeed begin pursuing other women. (Sorry for my approximate english because I’m french).

  2. This or that says:

    As for number 1, I have straight up told a guy that “I do not respect men who think texting should be the main form of communication, I just don’t take that seriously”. This either turns guys off because it shows their intentions are not to get to know me, or it brings a challenge to them to step up and meet my standard. Most men need to know that a women has respect for him so if you make it clear that you wont have it as long as he keeps thinking we are going to text 24/7, then his action will, hopefully, change. You have to teach people how to treat you or be willing for them to walk away.

    Number 2 – Sometimes you really may not have plans, and being sporadic can be a chrachteristic you like in a friendship/relationship. As long as you are not dropping plans to meet up with a guy then I think accepting a date the same day is not a deal breaker.

    Skipping 3

    Number 4 – Of course.. women, men are going to take what you give them even though they know they didn’t put in any work. Whatever your standard is, please get some!

    • In reply to the above… My job and the hours that I work don’t allow me to talk on the phone. So in order for me to stay in contact with certain people, I will and have to text. S you still say you couldn’t respect a man who has that issue???
      Which is the case for the 7 ppl I work with in our job! Such a blanket statement is not good thing. Again jmo
      #respect

  3. Love this post! It needs to go viral!

    1. I totally agree with this. Constantly texting a woman you just met, instead of calling her, is just unacceptable to me. When I was dating, I put this on the table, and some men backed away. I never cared, because these are the types that I figured wouldn’t be able to “court me” like the lady I am.

    2. I kind of agree with this. I think this should be taken on a case by case basis, because things would be different depending on the guy. For example, my fiance works offshore and sometimes comes home for just three days at a time (after being gone for a month). Guys that has a schedule like that really only have a little time to date.

    3. We should definitely pace ourselves when meeting a new guy. There’s no rush. I don’t know if I would really take extra time to respond to phone calls and texts, especially if I’m getting good response time from that guy. I do, however, think that the dating process should not be rushed.

    4. DING DING DING! I’m sure most women would agree that giving it up early is really not worth it. Especially after you’re like, “It wasn’t even that good, and he has the nerve not to call ME?”. LOL. We as women need to start honoring our bodies more and respecting ourselves more. With that being said, it’s getting harder to hold out, especially since women are becoming more and more outward about sex and one night stands are slowly becoming acceptable…

  4. It’s great to get detailed feedback & opinions about the 4 points above, thanks for sharing all of your great advice guys, as it is certain to help others!

    It seems the number 1 fear women have when it comes to acquiescing, is a man moving onto another woman, should they refuse to have sex when he requests it – so essentially a fear of rejection. Of course, other times women may desire a fling themselves – preference.

    However if a woman has hopes for commitment & love, having sex sooner will not make a man commit or love us. No man makes a commitment to our body, ultimately, he commits to our mind & other aspects of our personality. Of course he will be attracted to our body from the outset, but our body & the hot & heavy sex, won’t make him stay. I challenge any man to take me up on that.

    If only people knew how many times I’ve been “rejected” but does it make me less attractive physically or as a person…No. Does it make me less worthy…No. Being rejected has absolutely no reflection on how beautiful you are, how good you are as a person & what assets you have to offer a relationship. Rejection should not be attached to our self esteem, as with everything else in life, keep persisting & you will meet someone who will cherish you & someone who sees real value in you, plus someone who will wait until you’re comfortable.

  5. faye mutheu says:

    nyce stuff

  6. Loane, thanks for your advice on this post & in the past, I commend you on having a second language…your English is awesome! Duane thanks for keeping it 100 all the time! However I think ‘This or That’ made a great point re: not allowing texts to be the main form of communication. If a man is open with a woman about his circumstances, pending on whether she likes him or not, she will understand (if she is reasonable). Whitney 🙂 your analysis is above & beyond as always….thank you! Faye, thanks for your kind words, please tell your friends & family to pass by.

  7. Kudos! #true#

  8. Ra_Dical says:

    A true player is patient and loves a challenge. Your advice may be useful but it is no guarantee that a woman will escape the man who just wants sex. Men have been known to “play the game” for as long as it takes, while getting their sexual needs met elsewhere. The whole traditional idea that women are supposed to be waiting on the sidelines quietly and patiently while men initiate and make all the moves is actually part of the problem in my opinion. A woman is supposed to be just as active and aggressive in the dating process as the man. There are some mature men out there who have no time for adolescent games. They want a woman who is just as excited, motivated, and desirous of them as they are about her. What women should be doing instead is improving their ability to “read” a man – to ask the right questions, analyze his non-verbal communication, read between the lines. Sadly, from my experience, some women are just too gullible whenever their emotions become engaged, or when they receive love and affection.

  9. I love your comment Ra! For the most part I agree. A true player is patient and loves a challenge. Advice of any nature is never a guarantee as everybody receives and applies it differently. Reading non-verbal communication (body language) and asking the right questions is key.

    Where we differ is, my 4 points in this post relate to the earliest stages in a relationship, i.e before the 1st date. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman reciprocating interest but not prior to a man giving her a reason to. As the story says, women naturally invest more emotionally during these hook ups, meaning the woman has most to lose (unless she is pursuing a casual fling herself).

    I also disagree with your statement about a “woman is supposed to be just as active and aggressive in the dating process as the man” the alpha female role is a modern invention. From the beginning of time, women have always been inherently different from men, we have just morphed into one another, over the past few decades.

    The men I’ve encountered, will sleep with an aggressive woman but they certainly won’t take her seriously. Men by nature are hunters, they like to pursue and get a buzz from feeling that they put in effort for a woman. That doesn’t mean women shouldn’t show desire, but why emulate men in being forthright? That role is already taken.

    There are plenty of other ways a woman can reciprocate, plus illustrate excitement and desire by showing a man she cares – which comes naturally to women. We can do this through, kind gestures, tenderness, affection, which goes much further in a man’s good books than aggressive behavior. However a woman is only required to do this after a man has qualified for her emotions.

    My aim with this article wasn’t to subtract from a woman’s ability to discern or take action as she sees fit but merely to point out 4 fairly obvious signs which when consistent, often result in disappointment for women.

    Even if we extrapolate the 4 points above and put them in the context of a candidate and new employer scenario:

    1. Which employer would hire a candidate who consistently texts without calling before an interview?

    2. Which employer would hire a candidate who arranged an interview on the same day or at the last minute?

    3. Which employer would hire a candidate who rushed the interview and displayed poor communication skills?

    4. Which employer would hire a candidate who demanded a contract, and bonus after one meeting with no veritable references or probation period?

    None! In fact I can hedge a bet this candidate would never be hired by any firm. So why then should a woman accept these ludicrous terms just because emotions are involved? The beginning of a relationship is exactly the same as a job interview. This is not about “adolescent game playing” it’s about being wise enough to read a man’s actions. If his actions aren’t sincere that is a game plan in itself! Generally speaking, we can’t control a person’s actions, but we can control how we choose to react; therefore women have a choice in how to behave towards a man’s tactics.

    If women are as gullible as you state, I see no harm in reinforcing these well known tell-tale signs which maybe overlooked in the heat of infatuation. Albeit their application will hopefully save some women deeper heartache down the line.

  10. AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! You hit on the nose with EVERY point!

  11. Thank you Ty! I appreciate your feedback.

  12. Karungi gloria says:

    Absolutly rite i no longer trust guys

  13. Moses Musasizi says:

    A teacher that many should listen ,read and comply .However, it is for every body to learn from this great words. men and women today!

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