Relationships: Is She a Friend or Foe? 4 Ways to Suss Her Out

Many of us mingle with the wrong types of people and stay in toxic friendships for years, just for the sake of familiarity. In the beginning, these “friends” enter with open arms and kindness, when in fact they are nothing more than wolves in sheep’s clothing. If we allow them to stick around, their backstabbing bitchiness will grow like a cancer and hamper our progress for good.

 ‘Show me your friends and I’ll show you who you are.’

Second to family, our friends possess the biggest influence on us. Their impact plays a crucial role in determining where we find ourselves emotionally today. Even when we consider a toxic friend to be an acquaintance, their mere presence will gradually damage our potential. Moreover, should they have access into our inner circle, and their power of persuasion plus criticism can lead us in a direction which will not only destroy our dreams but our self confidence and esteem as well.

Therefore the only wise solution is to simply cut them off! Don’t hesitate to do it

 Summon up the courage to move on

We cannot succeed nor gain fulfillment in anything we do, unless we are surrounded by positive people, or those who have a good influence on us. With this in mind it is extremely important that we choose our friends wisely.

Friends fall into 4 categories, those that ADD SUBTRACT MULTIPLY DIVIDE. Recognize the type of friends you have by assessing whether they possess over 50% of the qualitites in any category below:

A friend that ADDS:  They accept you as you are   They bring joy into your life   They celebrate your presence in their lives by giving in different ways   They encourage and support you   Even if you don’t see them often you can both continue where you left off   They can easily apologize after a disagreement   They make an effort to see you and enquire about your wellbeing   They listen and advise you   They have your best interests in mind  They will support you in your time of need   They are happy for you when you succeed

A friend that SUBTRACTSThey are high maintenance   They become jealous when you succeed in any way   They want you around when it suits them   They use you for their own needs   They feel entitled to make most of the decisions in the friendship   They compare themselves to you   They are competitive   They cannot accept you changing   They criticize your choices   They secretly laugh when you are down   They only care about you on a superficial level   They are backstabbers   They will try to steal your friends and your man  They are self absorbed   They can never give you praise where it’s due

A friend that MULTIPLIES:  They add a distinct value to your persona   They make an invaluable contribution to your life in different ways   They make a vested interest in your success   Their advice is indispensable   They support and champion you   They give you  insight  into their mistakes   They act as an example  They hold your hand through thick and thin

A friend that DIVIDES:  They are emotionally draining   They monopolize your time   They leave you frustrated   You can only handle them in small doses   They have the ability to make you feel small   They ridicule and criticize under the guise of constructive criticism   They openly disrespect you   They don’t respect your opinion   You are in their life to make them look good   They bring drama and emotional baggage into your life   Your conversations always revolve around them    They are unreliable and flaky

Now move ahead with winners in your life and leave the losers behind

One quality all happy people have in common is their choice to eliminate people that SUBTRACT and DIVIDE from their lives. My rule of thumb is, if you are giving more than you are receiving on a consistent basis, then you are not in a genuine friendship. The 1st step is to ignore their pitiful excuses and half hearted apologies. Find and maintain a new set of friendships with those who are driven, creative and inspiring. Don’t fret because you are certain to gradually attract like-minded people who will both stimulate your mind, support your ambitions and accept you just as you are. Life is all about growing in every dimension of who you are and establishing the greatness within you.

How have you dealt with negative experiences re: friends?

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Look at God a black couple with fruit on the tree https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKDmVzp39e0 Happily married for 10 years This couple proves when it's God's will no mistake or obstacle is too great. She is a natural hair blogger @mahoganycurls and he works in the army @jovahnthedreamer. They first met in college, when he was a junior frat boy and she was a freshman. There was an instant … [Read More...]

Comments

  1. WARNING: This comment is looooooonnnngg!! LOL

    I can seriously go on and on (and on) on this matter! I have been doing a lot of “me” stuff lately. I’ve loved the me time and from this, I realize that I have THREE friends that both subtract and divide, with the exception that they can’t make me feel small. I know my worth, so that’ll be tough for anyone to do. But, these “friends” have been making me feel like… maybe I’m doing something wrong? Maybe I’m exaggerating about their pettiness or selfishness or their need to compete with me? I’ve always been the supporting type. I would help anybody in anyway that I can. So, why would “friends” always try and find something wrong in what you do? How could all my ideas be bad ones? Why the heck do they have to have a negative opinion about EVERY SINGLE thing. These last weeks, I’ve realized that these people are no good to me and I’m definitely starting to phase them out of my life. It kind of sucks, especially since I’m supposed to be getting married this year. I should have girlfriends to share this time with me.

    I do have at least one friend that is good to me. Well, HE is a great friend to me and has been around since high school. He both adds and multiplies to my life. I don’t have to talk to him everyday and we’ve only seen each other 5-6 times in three years, but I still consider him my best friend and the best friend I’ve ever had! He and I had this same conversation yesterday. I literally posted a Facebook status about these “friends” and about how much I loved and appreciated my friend, Dewayne. I think you and I have ESP!…

  2. Bamulanzeki muhammad says:

    Thank you for the work u are doing

  3. Whitney I love your comment and I think it will really help other women, so thanks for sharing! My Dad always says, as life goes by, you can count your real friends on ONE hand. And that is true. This subject is personal to me as well; something I’ll touch on in the near future. It’s awesome to hear that you have discerned who your real friends are and you are taking steps to distance yourself from the negative ones…trust me, it’s hard, as this subject isn’t taught in schools, so it’s easy to get it totally wrong! Especially when, say a person has treated you well in certain aspects but is still self centred, jealous and competitive. Envy, jealousy, competitiveness, selfishness, bitchiness, are all inexplicable mental sicknesses and speak more about the person than they do about you.

    All I know is that cutting negative “friends” from my world has been 1 of the main reasons my life is where it is today, I’m much happier, I have & continue to meet some amazing women (like yourself) who just get me – from hello! I don’t have to constantly second guess myself, plus I no longer have to focus my energy on other people and their drama. It’s done wonders for me, I hope it will reap the same results for you too.

  4. Thank you Muhammad, your comment is so encouraging, someone asked me yesterday on Twitter, “Where have you been all my life?” I said, living and making tons of mistakes, LOL! Life is a minefield, so it feels great to touch other people’s lives in a positive way. Please tell your friends about the blog and pass by again.

  5. My issue with this article is that it approaches the issue in a manner that encourages the reader to ask, “What is in friendship for me?” There is, I think a surfeit of advisories warning people to be aware of what they are getting out of the relationships in their lives. I suppose in this dog eat dog world, that may be fitting. It worries me, though, that there is far less emphasis on asking the reader to look within and see what he is giving.

    It may seem a petty difference but In today’s social climate the problem is that everyone is protecting themselves and giving only cautiously. So in the end, there are more walls than bridges. Even on Facebook, the majority of memes about relationships translate to, “protect yourself”.

    I would be the first to agree in is a minefield out there but if you really want any meaningfulness in your relationships you got to know how to give. You have to focus more on if you add or multiply than if people around you do.

    This is by no means an attempt to pull down or denigrate your excellent writing.

  6. Always trust your gut and you must continually ask yourself you are friends it’s not a good idea, run as fast as you can, but tell them why, do not be a coward, no need for drama or rudeness. When someone shows you who they are believe them

  7. Morakinyo tolulope says:

    it’s official a good character will always add happiness to one’s life.

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