Yes she’s drop dead gorgeous
We all compare ourselves to our female friends in order to assess how well we are doing in life. But what happens when we don’t measure up? This is when we are likely to criticize others as a way of making ourselves feel better about our own shortcomings.
Black women should support each other
It’s not hard to imagine that a woman can waste hours, in some cases years sizing herself up against another woman and will seize every opportunity to berate her. Just when we should be using our sisterhood to build each other up and protect ourselves from prejudice, we are exploiting that platform to tear each other down. I see it all the time and I can only liken it to an ugly monster hiding in all of us which shows up when we least expect it.
Admittedly, comparing ourselves to other women is hard to avoid nowadays, given we spend most of our spare time absorbing the likes of Facebook, Twitter, weekly magazines, TV and the internet. On one hand, these forums are great at keeping us connected to our nearest and dearest, but if we are truly honest, the flawless images of our friends, folks, celebrities and their supposedly fab lives are detrimental to our fragile egos, often arousing a sense of inadequacy within us.
It goes without saying that making a comparison between you and the next fine or accomplished chick is a waste of time. It consumes and misdirects vast amounts of energy, achieving little for our personal growth in the long run. Make no mistake, being caught up in this thought process totally damages our self esteem, sabotaging how good we feel, as well as knocking our self confidence. On some level, the outcome of comparing ourselves to others and attacking them can only lead to 1 of 3 feelings:
Our compulsion to find faults in other women will only stop when we each make the decision to put our foot down. One way to combat any future feelings of jealousy is to:
Discover + Acknowledge + Develop the unique talents you possess =
A stronger self worth
No other woman on Earth is as fabulous as you are. Every woman on this planet is different – in other words, there is no copy of you. Each one of us carries individual passions, talents and skillsets, in effect, this means we can all co-exist in the same breathing space without drama or negativity.
“I have a great friend called Sarah who is an outstanding singer in a soul band. Years ago, when I started watching Sarah’s gigs, I had just discovered my love for writing. Every time I saw her belting out tunes on stage, I was filled with complete awe and pangs of envy.
However as I began to acknowledge and develop my own writing skill I found that her talent acted as an inspiration, motivating me to improve and hone my writing abilities to such an extent I was able to pursue a career doing what I love.”
Following this process, instead of making direct comparisons, actually boosted my self esteem, in turn, helped me ward off that ugly ‘comparison monster’. You see, after many years of soul searching, I no longer feel the need to compare myself or envy anyone else – no matter how stunning, talented, lauded, wealthy, they are – as I have my own thing going.
Besides, I’ll never be able to outdo Sarah’s immense talent as a performer anyway so why even bother. One of the most uplifting feelings for any human being, is being safe in the knowledge that no one can replicate what you bring to the table. The problem is, many of us don’t know exactly where our strengths lie, this is why:
It is imperative we find the time to discover our purpose in life by asking ourselves 2 valuable questions:
- What am I good at that others find difficult?
- What do I enjoy doing that I would do for free?
No matter how minor you feel it is, write it down and explore it. With time and patience your new hobby will expand to heights that far exceed your imagination because real satisfaction lies in nurturing our talents rather than giving priority to our shortcomings and comparing ourselves to others.
Is our first download on rebranding your profile online, in order to motivate him to notice you, date you, commit to you, and only you
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