Relationships: How to Get a Man to Commit to You

Get ahead | Succeed | Career | Love

As I was chatting to my girlfriend recently, I asked her to describe her ideal match and her immediate reaction was:

‘I want a man with good values who treats me with respect, a man with class in his appearance and behavior, one who is sexy, confident and has vision for his life. I would prefer an articulate man, without excess baggage or issues from his past. I’ll accept his minor flaws on the grounds that he has the right intentions for me’.

Tyson Beckford came to mind 🙂

Most single ladies I know wish to settle down one day, but that might be wishful thinking if we listen to Oprah, CNN and ABC News who have reported that 70% of black women are single in America. If this percentage is indicative of a global trend then all black women face a huge challenge – right? Not if we employ a good strategy. Given the scarcity of good men nowadays, the question remains:

How can a BLACKCITYGIRL improve her chances of attracting the best possible catch?

It’s simple: You have to make yourself indispensable to that man’s life.

Over the years, I’ve discovered (much to my chagrin) that it doesn’t matter how well educated a woman is, how much money she earns, how freaky she is in bed, how beautiful she looks, whether she’s a whizz in the kitchen or if she’s bought her own place, all of these assets amount to nothing when he is weighing her up as a potential wife. Of course these attributes will improve her overall package, nonetheless a man can STILL choose to view her as a casual fling.

Men really are crazy sometimes!

So, what other traits do we need to get a man to commit? Well before we even meet him, we must consider building our character. This means enhancing the qualities that make us different from other people. When we develop character it makes us shine as individuals and it adds substance (depth and dimension) to our whole persona.

Gaining substance will:

Increase self confidence

A higher self confidence will boost assertiveness in all areas of our life. We will overcome obstacles in our careers, meaning extra promotions…yay! Our friendships will strengthen and our love lives will hold greater value. We will also have higher expectations from those around us, being able to draw the line when enough is enough.

Inspire a man to stay faithful

Provided he isn’t a dawg in the first place! The only thing that separates us from the next hot chick is how we make a man feel. For this reason, he will naturally invest more feelings in a woman that stimulates his intellect (there are 7 types of intellect). When we have substance, it proves to him that he has met his match.

Make us unique

There are millions of black women who are just like us. They have exactly the same hopes, desires and fears. So when we have nothing new to offer, it makes it very easy for a man to dismiss us. Therefore we should work on adding value to our personality so that we can become a priority and not an option in his life.

Ninety-nine percent of the time, men are initially attracted to our looks, but once the dopemine wears off, we will find it difficult to keep a good man in the long run without substance in our character.

What do you think it takes to make a man commit?

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Read more from this series here:

10 Acts of Chivalry Men Should Bring Back

7 Reasons Why You Need a Father in Your Life

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Relationships: Should Black Women Date and Marry Down?

So just incase you missed it, some of our favorite black couples have split up in the past few weeks. Household names like Mary J Blige, who filed for divorce from her cheating husband and manager Kendu Isaacs, meanwhile Iyanla Vanzant quietly ended her 14 year relationship and more recently Queen of neo-soul, Jill Scott is embroiled in a public slanging match with her ex-husband of 15 … [Read More...]

Comments

  1. ‘sexy’ gets men quicker! But ‘intelligent’ keeps them longer :))

  2. I would rather be intelligent, if I can get a man to approach me without being “sexy” right off the bat that’s a good enough start. My intelligence will keep him interested, motivated and curious. Me being sexy could eventually fade but my intelligence, that’s forever.

  3. To add to your comments, I would say there is always someone, somewhere who is sexier, better looking but there is no-one that has my personality & gifts on Earth. I would rather invest my energy in becoming intelligent in my particular giftings, in doing so, I believe I’m more likely to attract someone compatible.

  4. mpembe mary says:

    thanks for the words of encouragement though mob times men prove to be un tamed

  5. So true Mary! Let’s focus on developing ourselves as we cannot control men and their behavior. If we stick with our values, sooner or later we will start to attract like-minded men. When a man meets us, he paints us with the same brush as others until we prove differently, when he sees we are focused, he can either accept us & change accordingly or leave us in peace.

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